My wild man, Jack, is only a preschooler, but I’m already focused on how to raise a boy into a good man. Sometimes, when I watch him giggling and bouncing off every piece of furniture we own, I catch myself wondering: Who is he becoming? What will the people who know him best say about him?
Between my years covering elite athletes at ESPN and watching Josh transition from MLB player to hands-on dad, I’ve learned a lot about what actually makes a man great. The qualities I’ve come to admire most have nothing to do with talent or status, and everything to do with character. For me, these 3 things are at the heart of how to raise a boy into a good man. And they are exactly what I want Jack to know.
1. He has the power to change the energy in the room.
My mom always told me to find joy in every situation. Learning to be the person who brings the light in shaped me more than almost anything else she taught me. And now, I’m teaching that to Jack too.
There are mornings when our house is full of competing needs: Reese twirling, talking a mile a minute, Josh hunting for the leash to take the dog out, and me cooking breakfast and cleaning up spills. And then Jack comes into the room, belly-laughing at absolutely nothing, and somehow the whole room shifts. That’s not a small thing. That’s a gift.
At ESPN, I’ve noticed that often the best teammates aren’t necessarily the most talented. They’re the ones who keep it light under pressure and lift the people around them when everything is on the line. That quality starts at home. When your son pats his baby sister’s back because she’s crying and he just wants her to feel better, that’s something you helped create. Don’t underestimate that.
2. He doesn’t have to choose between tough and tender.
Some of the men I admire most in sports are fierce competitors on the field and completely unguarded off of it. They’ll fight hard for every yard and then turn around and talk openly about what they’re struggling with, or give a teammate a hug when things fall apart. That combination of toughness and tenderness is something I find deeply impressive. And it’s something I want Jack to grow into.
I already see both sides in him. He’ll wrestle with Josh like it’s a championship bout, then turn right around and use the gentlest little pats on our puppy’s head. He loves sports, trucks, and snuggling on the couch with his favorite blanket. And he adores his big sis. All of it counts. None of it cancels out the other.
As moms, we get to teach our sons that being strong doesn’t mean hiding how you feel. Strength can look like gentleness. The world needs men who can hold both. And we get to be the ones raising them.
3. His character matters more than his achievements.
One of the things ESPN has taught me is that careers end. Stats fade. Even the most celebrated athletes eventually hand over their cleats. But your character endures: how you made your teammates feel, whether you showed up when it mattered, what kind of person was underneath the jersey.
I think about Josh’s journey a lot. He was a professional baseball player. Now he’s the dad who gets on the floor to wrestle with Jack, fixes Reese’s hair for school, and, in a pinch, picks out my outfits for TV. Watching him show up for our family with the same commitment he brought to baseball is the kind of integrity I hope Jack absorbs just by being around his dad.
Our sons will have plenty of people pushing them to be the best in the room. But our job is to raise them to be the kindest. To be honest, to show up for others, to make people feel seen and loved. When they’re grown, their character will matter far more than any achievement or accolade.
The good man is already in there.
Nobody hands you a play-by-play game plan for how to raise a boy into a good man. (And they don’t hand you one for raising daughters either.) But somewhere between the 85th reading of Where’s Spot and the mornings when Jack says “pwease” without being reminded, I’ve started to see it. The man my little boy will become is already taking shape.
Mom, those small things aren’t filler between the big moments. They are the moments. And you’re in the middle of them every single day. You are raising up the man your boy will grow into. Every time you encourage your son to use his words, cheer on a friend, or get back up after a hard day, you’re building character that will outlast any trophy or title. Keep going. The good man is already forming.
What’s one moment that showed you the good man your son is already becoming?
