I stood with another mom as we waited for our boys to finish up band practice. “Are you getting your son a phone?” she asked suddenly. “Tyler’s been begging for one all year. He says everyone in his class already has one.” I shook my head. “Not us.” Her brow creased and she heaved a sigh. “I really don’t want to get him one,” she said. But then she lifted her eyes to mine, almost pleading with me to agree. “But I don’t want him to be the only one without one either.”
We discussed the pros and cons of getting kids a phone and I felt myself wavering. I didn’t want my son to feel left out either. “What if we all decide not to do it?” I said, desperate. “All the moms need to band together!” The other mom shook her head, sadly. “It’s too late.” Of course, she was right. In that moment, I felt defeated and pressured to do something I didn’t want to do. Peer pressure exists for parents and it’s still sometimes hard to handle. Here are 9 more kinds of mom peer pressure you may face.
1. To Let Him Watch That Show or Movie
“Matt and Ian have seen it,” my son said. But the movie was PG-13 and had lots of dark material. The pressure I felt to let him watch this movie was subtle but real. If his friends’ moms were letting their kids watch it, why wouldn’t I?
Though we don’t want our kids to feel left out, we should ask ourselves whether it’s worth sacrificing our family’s values.
2. To Let Her Get on TikTok or Instagram
Michelle’s daughter stood by the water taking selfie after selfie. “She doesn’t post much,” Michelle said, a bit sheepishly. As her younger daughter played with mine, I wondered when our tweens might get interested in social media like the 15-year-old posing before us. “All of her friends are on Instagram,” Michelle said. “I didn’t want Kayla to feel left out.”
3. To Let Him Do This Thing Alone
Jacob’s mom asked, “Is it OK if the boys bike to the bait shop?” I paused to think as the kids ran around the house. The bait shop wasn’t far, but they needed to cross a busy intersection, something my son’s never done without an adult. “Jacob’s done it before. And they need worms,” she said to me. I didn’t want to say yes.
If your gut’s telling you no, say no. It might be uncomfortable, but that’s OK.
4. To Let Her Wear a Bikini or Heels
When so many little girls are wearing heels to the daddy/daughter dance and bikinis to the town pool, it’s hard not to notice. It makes it feel like the norm to dress up our kids like mini adults.
Kids are little for such a short period of time. Let’s allow them to be kids for as long as possible.
5. To Let Him Break the Rules
Eating during the museum field trip wasn’t allowed. But I saw another mom slip her son a snack. “I’m hungry too,” my son whispered. “Henry’s eating. Why can’t I?” I hesitated but shook my head. “Hang in there, buddy. Lunch is coming up.”
If we let our kids break the rules, it’s setting the wrong precedent. How will they learn it’s wrong if Mom allows it to happen?
6. To Let Her Skip School
“A day here and there isn’t going to make a difference,” I overheard one mom say. Just because other moms let their kids skip school on occasion doesn’t mean I have to.
One mom’s attitude toward missing school isn’t everyone’s. Not allowing your child to skip school sends a clear message that you prioritize her education.
7. To Let Him Play a Video Game You Don’t Like
My son went to a friend’s house, and I found out later the boys spent the afternoon playing video games—a first-person shooter game. Now when I ask my son if he’d like to invite this child over, he says, “I’d rather go to his house. He’ll think my house is boring.” Having a “boring” house puts some sneaky mom peer pressure on me to be like the other mom. But I don’t want to compromise our values. I feel stuck.
But there are other ways to make your home exciting without compromising your values. Maybe introducing a new board game to your child’s guest would be exciting for him.
8. To Let Her Wear These Clothes
“All her friends dress like that,” another mom told me. “I’ve seen them. It’s just the style.” Cutoffs and spaghetti straps made this 14-year-old look a lot older.
You don’t have to accept the style, even if it’s the fashion. Let your child know that some clothing styles can send the wrong message.
9. To Let Him Get Away With the Attitude “Boys Will Be Boys”
The day I witnessed a fight on the playground, another mom rolled her eyes and said, “It’s how they solve problems.” But I don’t think giving boys a free pass to fight is right.
I’m trying to make good decisions for my kids without giving in to mom peer pressure. It’s tough. But kids have their whole lives ahead of them to act grown up and only a short time to be innocent. When you resist these pressures, your kids will see your strength and remember it when peer pressure inevitably comes their way too.
Kids have their whole lives ahead of them to act grown up and only a short time to be innocent. Click To TweetWhat other ways have you experienced mom peer pressure?
