When our daughter started Kindergarten, I started sleeprunning. It’s kinda like sleepwalking, except it’s something moms automatically do when their kids yell for them in the middle of the night. And my kid kept yelling for me, night after night, from a sweat-soaked bed. She’d had another nightmare just like the evening before, and I gained entry to her room before I gained consciousness myself.
While every child develops at her own pace, scary dreams generally begin to make an appearance in kids between the ages of 3 and 6 as their imagination develops. While nightmares in children can leave moms feeling out-of-sorts and out of breath, follow these 3 strategies to soothe your child in the moment and limit nightmares in the future.
1. Recognize and understand nightmares in children.
Nightmares occur during the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep and typically involve vivid scenarios reflecting age-specific fears, such as monsters, animals, or separation anxiety. Nightmares are most common in preschoolers and children between 3 and 6 years old. Age, stress, family dynamics, and media exposure can set the stage for nightmares and contribute to the vivid imagery in nightmares. Plus, some medications can trigger nightmares in children, so read the side effect disclaimers and talk with your pediatrician if needed.
A side note about night terrors: Our oldest daughter had nightmares and night terrors. Until then, we didn’t understand the difference. Night terrors and nightmares in children sound similar, but they are two distinct sleep disturbances. Night terrors happen during non-REM sleep. Your child appears to be fully awake with night terrors, but she isn’t. She might sleepwalk, thrash about, and, with open eyes, talk about things happening in her night terror. Pediatricians recommend to sit quietly with your child but not to wake her up. Thankfully, your child will not remember anything in the morning.
2. Soothe your child after a nightmare.
“Mommy’s right here. You’re safe. You had a bad dream, and it’s not real.”
After a nightmare, your child needs confirmation from you that he’s OK. A warm hug and soothing words can help your child relax so he can fall back asleep. And while you know monsters don’t exist, much less live under the bed or creep out of the closet (Thanks, Monsters Inc.!), your child may need you to check just in case. This small act acknowledges and validates your child’s experience in a way that emphasizes genuine understanding.
After a nightmare, your child needs confirmation from you that he’s OK. A warm hug and soothing words can help your child relax so he can fall back asleep. Click To TweetThe next day, ask your child to talk about his nightmare. Encourage him to share his feelings and the content of the dream. Then, ask how he would rewrite the bad dream. How would he change the story to make it a good dream? Preliminary research about nightmares in children shows that rewriting the bad dream can decrease the likelihood that it will become a recurring nightmare.
3. Take steps to reduce or prevent future nightmares.
From infancy, children thrive on a consistent bedtime routine. Promoting healthy sleep habits is crucial to preventing future nightmares in children. Healthy sleep habits include consistent bedtime and wake-up times and a calming bedtime routine. Limiting screen time before bed and exposure to potentially frightening content aids in creating a peaceful pre-sleep environment, too.
Nightmares in children can follow a pattern, so keep an eye out. For example, your child might experience an uptick in bad dreams during a transitional period, such as back-to-school season. So, begin talking with your child about her worries and teach her coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing, drawing, or nighttime prayers, which can empower her to manage stressors that may contribute to nightmares.
And finally, put that old remote control to work by giving your child a “dream changer.” In a research study published in the Sleep Journal, lead author Dr. Stephanie Bourboulis gave parents a remote control device for their children with recurring nightmares. Parents were instructed to tell their children to use the device before falling asleep as a way to choose what they wanted to “watch” in their dreams. If a bad dream comes on, then they use the clicker to change the channel. Children who used the “dream changer” experienced a significant drop in nightmares.
How often does your child experience nightmares, and have you noticed any patterns or triggers?
