Have you experienced times in your marriage when sexual intercourse isn’t possible? Nearly all couples encounter circumstances at some point in their relationship where they can’t have sexual intercourse.
The reasons? Sometimes sexual intercourse isn’t possible due to physical discomfort in the later months of pregnancy or a doctor’s orders to abstain from sexual intercourse in a high-risk pregnancy or for the immediate weeks following birth. Other reasons are minor injuries or illnesses that put a temporary hold on intercourse.
Sadly, for some couples, when sexual intercourse isn’t possible, all sexual connection begins to fall by the wayside. A husband and a wife may still desire to draw close intimately in these scenarios, but aren’t quite sure how to connect sexually when they can’t actually have sex.
If this is the situation you find yourself in, don’t give up on the sexual connection you desire! If you and your husband are unable to have sexual intercourse yet are still willing to nurture your intimacy, there is good news! With a bit of intentional creativity, you can nurture that sensual closeness when intercourse is off limits.
Below are three alternatives that will help you and your husband sustain your sexual closeness:
1. Create the right setting.
If you have children, have a friend or relative take them overnight. Be intentional about creating a sensual atmosphere where you and your husband can comfortably relax, talk and connect without distractions of noise. Turn off your phones. Light some candles. Sit close to each other or lay in each other’s arms.
Extended time together in a sensual setting, even when you can’t have sexual intercourse, affords you the unique opportunity to grow in sexual oneness. Instead of shutting down emotionally and physically, seek to better understand each other sexually.
Instead of shutting down emotionally and physically, seek to better understand each other sexually.
2. Enjoy more skin-on-skin contact.
Even if you can’t have sex, you still can lay close to each other naked. While it is not sex, it is still an intimate closeness that is reserved only for you and your husband.
This may feel awkward at first if you are not accustomed to laying in each other’s arms naked yet not having sex. With a little practice, though, you will find it surprisingly arousing and reassuring at the same time.
3. Let your hands do the talking.
Sensual touch is powerful and certainly not limited to a few areas of the body. If possible, spend time caressing each other with a variety of light and firm touches. Be sure to not skip any areas of the body, including light caressing of the scalp, face, ears, and neck. These areas are particularly sensitive to touch.
Don’t hesitate to ask each other what feels good. Through good communication and experimentation, you may be pleasantly surprised at how powerful your sexual bond can be – even when sexual intercourse has to be taken off the repertoire for awhile.
Certainly, no married couple who values sex in their relationship would ask for difficult circumstances that force them to build a sexual connection without the obvious act of intercourse. If you and your husband have humble and determined hearts in the face of such circumstances, you will discover depth in your sexual connection you could have never imagined was possible.
In what other ways can a married couple actually grow in their sexual closeness if intercourse isn’t an option?