“Quick! Finish breakfast so we can get to swim lessons!” I called, circling the table on a Saturday morning. As we scuttled out the door moments later, my daughter lost a flip-flop in the grass, which reminded me: “Do you both have sneakers for tennis lessons afterwards?” We all hurried back inside the house to grab not only sneakers but the needed rackets as well. Then we set off again. At the pool, I settled on a lounger next to a friend who also had kids in the water and tennis rackets at her side. We smiled at each other, accustomed to the busy routine.
A busy schedule may be fun for your child, but my guess is there’s still something missing in her day. And it’s important both when kids are little and later when they grow into double digits. Here’s what it is, where to find it, and why it’s so important for the overscheduled child.
Kids need more downtime.
My friend leaned over to whisper in my ear. “What’s cuter than a little kid in a karate uniform?” she asked. We sat shoulder to shoulder with a half-dozen other moms watching our kids kick and swipe the air. Tonight, my child had karate, tomorrow piano. I wasn’t atypical in my community, carting my kids from one activity to the next. The mom next to me had been the one to share the contact info for her kids’ piano teacher.
But after years of enrichment activities for my kids, I’ve started to wonder if jampacked schedules might’ve made them miss out on something valuable, something kids need to learn coping skills and enhance their own creativity. It’s something that will also counter the push for perfection and the need for constant stimulation in our culture.
What can we give kids today to better prepare them for the future? It’s more important than we may realize. They need more downtime.
Why is it so important?
I’ve caught myself saying things like, “Don’t you have homework to do?” But I’m trying to let my kids flop on their beds after school or linger longer on that LEGO build. Just because they’re not crossing something off the list doesn’t mean they’re wasting time. Kids need time not only to process their learning, but to relax.
An overscheduled child is usually ambitious or has a mom who is. But downtime to think and play helps your child develop necessary life skills. “Coping with being bored seems to help children develop essential skills like flexibility, planning, and problem-solving,” says life coach Naz Beheshti. Downtime forces kids to think for themselves and figure out their own dreams and passions instead of following yours.
Downtime forces kids to think for themselves and figure out their own dreams and passions instead of following yours. Click To TweetScheduling every hour of the day for your child can be stressful for both of you. And if kids keep up a hectic schedule for years, they may end up feeling burned out by the teen years. Finding enough downtime can help your child achieve a healthy balance between work and play.
Where can you find it?
Downtime can come in different forms. You can choose to limit extracurricular activities to two per season. Or you can make tweaks in the day. A friend of mine suggested moving dinner up half an hour in the evenings. “We felt like we had a longer night when we ate at 5 as opposed to 5:30,” she said. My friend Michelle has her three kids practice the piano in the morning. “They take turns before school and then they get to relax more in the afternoon.”
You can also snatch extra time here and there with these ideas: Allow your child to stay in the shower five extra minutes to daydream and think. Assign chores if you haven’t already. Have your kids walk the dog. Rather than jumping into homework right after school, have them eat a snack in the yard or play in the driveway for 10 minutes. The goal is more time to think, daydream and yes, even be bored.
One caveat: Downtime doesn’t include being on screens. Screens keep your child’s mind occupied. The benefits of downtime kick in when kids are forced to come up with something to think about or do on their own.
How do you fit in downtime for an overscheduled child?
