I glanced at my son, bent over his homework. “Hey,” I said. “Are you going to do the swim club?” He lifted his eyes. “Uh, no.” I steeled myself. “It’d be fun.” This time, he didn’t bother looking up. “No way,” he said. My son and I are close enough that I knew he wouldn’t storm out of the room if I pushed him. For that, I’m grateful. But I wondered how to get him to do this. After a long moment, I said, “Look. You need physical activity. I’ve also read that exercise helps kids perform better in school.” This time, I had his attention. “How would I fit it in?” he asked. “I’m busy enough with school.” We discussed his schedule and compromised on two or three practices per week, rather than five. “I think it’d be good for you,” I said, my hand on his shoulder.
I’m glad we have this strong bond because if we didn’t, my son probably wouldn’t have joined the swim club. And if he hadn’t joined, he wouldn’t have strengthened one of his friendships during the season and probably wouldn’t have made the more competitive swim team over the summer. I’m so glad he listened to me! Here are 5 other powerful benefits of bonding with your children.
1. A Child Who Respects You
“I hear swear words all the time at school,” my son said. “And I’m tempted to use them. I know it’s wrong though.” He looked at me for reassurance. “I’m so glad you feel comfortable talking to me about this,” I said. “I know it can be a struggle.” We spent time discussing our family’s values and I think my son felt better, knowing he was doing what we wanted.
According to Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, and author of The Collapse of Parenting, a child who respects his parents believes his parents “matter more than same-age peers.” Additionally, what the child desires is secondary to what his parents want for him. We can cultivate respect in our kids by working on our relationships with them. Insist on no screens in the car. Take walks together on weekends. Or spend extra time chatting at bedtime.
2. A Child Who Doesn’t Fear Failure
At the last cross-country meet, my husband and I showed up with a homemade sign. We cheered as our son jogged past. “Looking good! Keep up the great work!” Our son finished the race at the back of the pack, but you better believe we celebrated our socks off.
Letting your kids know that your love isn’t contingent on whether they make the team or get an A in math is essential for bonding with your children in a big way. And as a result, your kids will worry less when they mess up or aren’t the best at something.
3. A Child Who’s Mentally Healthy
“Mom, my friends aren’t including me,” I said at 15. I remember spending hours on the couch, leaning on my mom as we talked. I often cried with loneliness and sadness. But my mom prioritized me after school, putting everything else on her plate aside. She helped me make it through one of the most difficult times of my life growing up.
These days, research says if your child is frequently on social media, her chances of developing depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues increases. Spending time with your child decreases her loneliness and strengthens your parent-child bond. Listening to her, having fun with her, and simply being present with your child all contribute to a deeper bond.
Listening to her, having fun with her, and simply being present with your child all contribute to a deeper bond. Click To Tweet4. A Child Who’s Physically Healthy
At bedtime, my daughter handed me her flashlight and said, “I’m going to be tempted to read, so I’m giving this to you.” She respected my wishes over her own and her respectful decision also helped her get a good night’s sleep.
As Sax states, “When kids don’t respect parental authority, they are less likely to eat their vegetables” or do chores and are more likely to play video games and stay up late. It’s hard to keep putting the plate of peas in front of your child, but replacing it with French fries isn’t good for her physical wellbeing. Sticking to your choices rather than your child’s teaches good habits, cultivates respect, and builds your bond.
5. A Child Who Works Hard in School
One year, while teaching, I had a 15-year-old student who liked to argue. He also asked silly questions simply to amuse his peers. Because he couldn’t get away with this behavior in my class, he grew unhappy, and his parents asked for a class change. The principal wisely told the parents their son needed to cooperate in my class and would not allow a switch. Unfortunately, because this student didn’t get what he wanted, he sulked for the rest of the semester, and his grades also fell.
Time spent bonding with your children often results in kids who want to please you. Your child cares what you think. As moms, we can’t just let kids do whatever floats their boat, or bail them out when things get tough. Failing to work well with others or failing an assignment doesn’t mean it’s right to quit. “Failure builds humility. And the humility born of failure can build growth and wisdom,” writes Sax. With a strong parent-child bond, a child learns to push through difficulties and thrive because he knows that how he succeeds is more important than if he succeeds.
Have you seen other positive benefits of bonding with your children?
