A friend of mine just started dating a guy and she is absolutely smitten. Like, her eyes twinkle when she talks about him and I can’t help but smile. That stage of a relationship is so great. Meanwhile, the last text my husband and I exchanged was about the mystery smell in the fridge. When the mundane takes over, you might think it’s impossible to put the spark back into your marriage. But it can be done!
What’s a Spark Jar?
A Spark Jar is a go-to when you need inspiration or motivation. Most people say the spark in a relationship begins to fade when the two people start to take each other for granted. This simple tool will help you reconnect and invest in your marriage again.
Grab some colored construction paper, or regular paper and colored pencils. You’ll need at least four different colors. Cut your paper into strips. Aim for four strips per color. You’ll see below what to write on each color. You’re also going to need a mason jar or any container that’s big enough to reach into.
It’s going to take a small buy-in from your husband. Tell him you need 10 minutes to sit together to come up with ideas you both will enjoy. A little investment now will be worth it later.
Making a grand gesture is a nice way to put the spark back into your marriage, but time and money usually get a say (and they might say, “Nope!”). That’s the beauty of a Spark Jar. All the ideas go into a jar and you grab the color you need at the moment.
Blue = a quickie spark. Pull a blue strip when you have 10 minutes or less but need a boost. This comes in handy when you feel like ships passing in the night. You can try an uninterrupted kiss, a dance to your wedding song, or a few minutes of conversation on the couch.
Green = a small spark. Pull a green strip when you have an hour or less and need to connect. A walk around the block, a glass of wine on the back porch with questions from our free Q&U app, or a drive through your old neighborhood are all quick ways to bring back the spark.
Red = a big spark. Go for red when you have a babysitter, or really need to reconnect. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and go out to the same place over and over. Since you already spent time coming up with new ideas like visiting a local museum, a dessert-only dining experience, or a cooking class, let the Spark Jar surprise you.
Yellow = a silent spark. Yellow is the color you’ll reach for when you need a quiet reminder that you are loved. So write these out separately from one another. You can write your favorite memory, a prayer that you’ve said for the other person, or some hopes and dreams you have for your future together. When you draw a yellow, if it’s your own writing, just put it back in the jar.
Do what the paper says! This seems obvious, but if you’re doing this in the first place, it’s because you need to invest some time in each other. So give it 100 percent. If you’ve been married for a while, you know love isn’t a feeling. Love is a choice. Choose to love today and you’ll feel that spark reignite.
Our Spark Jar is just one way to put the spark back in your marriage. What else have you tried that has worked?