It was supposed to be a simple Sunday project. My husband was assembling a new bookshelf, and I noticed he was using the wrong screws for one of the shelves. I blurted out, “Those aren’t the right ones.” He looked at me and said, “I know what I’m doing.” Instead of letting it go, I explained why I thought it wouldn’t work. His patience wore thin, and he walked away, leaving the half-finished shelf behind and me feeling frustrated.
Moments like these have taught me a hard truth: Correcting your spouse often isn’t helpful. Sometimes it’s better to let things go, even if you’re convinced you’re right. So, how do you know when to hold back? Here are 4 times to resist correcting your husband—and why it can be better for both of you.
1. When It Just Doesn’t Matter
We recently became members of Costco. I was so excited at the opportunity to buy a year’s worth of toothbrushes in one visit. Then I learned how my husband pronounces Costco. He says it with a hard T. CosTco. “Because there’s a T in it,” he argues. It drives me nuts, and when he says it, I reply with the way literally everyone else says it, with a subtle, soft “t.” So now, every trip to Costco starts with a fight. It’s fun.
Correcting your spouse over small, inconsequential things—how he pronounces a word, which route he takes to the store, or where he sets his razor—doesn’t make life better; it just creates unnecessary tension. In most of these situations, the outcome is fine either way. Letting go of these minor differences not only keeps the peace but also shows you’re willing to let go of control now and then.
2. When Your Kids Are Watching
At dinner one night, my husband was helping my 11-year-old with his math homework. I overheard him explaining a problem, and I knew he was using a method my son hadn’t learned in school. I jumped in and said, “Actually, that’s not the way he’s being taught.” The look on my husband’s face showed he felt undermined. And now, my son questioned whether his stepdad knew what he was talking about.
Correcting your spouse in front of your kids can send the wrong message. It can make them see him as less capable or create an expectation that they should always point out when someone is “wrong.” It can also reinforce that mom is the go-to for everything, which only increases the load we’re carrying. Next time you’re tempted to correct your husband, wait until the kids aren’t within earshot and discuss privately.
3. When It Questions His Capabilities
I’m gonna flip the roles on this one because I think it’s helpful to put ourselves in our husbands’ shoes to understand how corrections can really hurt.
Admittedly, my husband is a better cook than me. But when I make a meal and he corrects me, it’s completely deflating. That onion should be cut in the other direction… You need more broth… Even if he’s not speaking, my inner critic says, He’s watching and noticing all the things you’re doing wrong. You’re not a great cook.
If you’ve ever felt this way too, know that our correction affects our husbands the same way theirs affects us. They aren’t made of steel. Correcting your spouse in a way that suggests he’s incapable can be discouraging. Whether it’s fixing something around the house or making decisions, constant corrections can make him feel like he’s never doing enough. Giving him space to handle things his way—even if it’s different from yours—builds trust and mutual respect. And, more often than not, he’ll get it done just fine.
4. When There Are Multiple Right Ways to Do It
I’ll never forget the time early in our marriage when my husband made scrambled eggs for breakfast, and I corrected the way he was stirring them. He raised an eyebrow and said, “Are we really gonna debate how to stir eggs this morning?” And he was right—there isn’t a single “correct” way to do it. The eggs turned out perfectly fine, even if they weren’t made my way.
Correcting your spouse when there’s no single right answer can come off as controlling. Life is full of situations where different approaches still lead to good results. Whether it’s how he organizes the garage, folds laundry, or grills a steak, sometimes the best thing to do is let him do it his way. Not only does this lead to fewer fights, but it also allows both of you to bring your own strengths and ideas to the relationship.
…there are benefits. I’ve found that holding back from correcting my husband has led to surprising growth for me. It’s helped me see and appreciate his capabilities, learn new ways to get a job done, and lighten my load. A little patience and trust have gone a long way in strengthening our partnership.
In what ways does it help your marriage when you resist correcting your spouse?
