What makes a teen truly happy? While my kid might say less homework and four-day weekends, research from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign shows that teens with a strong sense of purpose are happier and less anxious than their peers. Yet, a sense of purpose isn’t something you can measure with grades or test scores. So, where does purpose come from for teens?
Unlike adults, whose purpose often centers on careers, family, or long-term goals, teens are still exploring. Their purpose is more about figuring out what excites them, gives them direction, and helps them grow into who they’re meant to be. And while you can’t snap your fingers and create a sense of purpose for your teen, you can support the process in these 5 intentional ways.
1. Notice and nurture your teen’s passions and interests.
It’s common for teens to cycle through different interests as they explore what truly excites them. These hobbies aren’t just pastimes. They offer clues about your teen’s deeper values, strengths, and potential future paths. But interests will shift and evolve, and that’s a normal part of development. For my youngest, it looked like this (so far): Trombone player? Nah. Photography or robotics? Maybe. Tinkering with cars? Getting warmer. Riding horses and learning all things equine? Yes! But she’s not done discovering yet, and neither is your teen.
Put it into practice:
- Support your teen’s interests without pushing or judging. Even if a passion seems like “just a phase,” it’s part of your child’s purpose journey.
- Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been the best part of your week?” or “What’s something you’ve learned recently that really interested you?”
2. Hold open doors to explore opportunities.
Teens can’t dream about what they’ve never seen. The more experiences they have, the more puzzle pieces they collect to figure out who they are. Maybe helping a friend with algebra sparks a love for teaching. Organizing a fundraiser for Beta Club might reveal a knack for leadership. Even something as simple as watching Top Chef with you could inspire an interest in culinary arts. Mom, you don’t have to push your teen in a particular direction—just hold open doors and let him walk through at his own pace.
Put it into practice:
- Encourage joining clubs, free library workshops, or activities that align with your teen’s interests (or challenge him to try something new).
- Look for real-world experiences, like volunteering or part-time jobs, that help your teen connect his interests to meaningful work. During her photography era, my youngest volunteered at church, taking photos for Instagram.
3. Focus on the process, not the destination.
In today’s achievement-driven high school culture, it’s easy to focus on grades, awards, or college admissions. But finding a sense of purpose isn’t about checking off accomplishments. In our home, we tell our teens to “workshop” new interests and see what does or doesn’t fit. This process-oriented mindset takes the pressure off being instantly great at something and allows them to explore without fear of failure. This kind of low-stakes experimentation builds confidence, resilience, and a clearer sense of direction.
Put it into practice:
- Talk about effort and curiosity more than achievements. Instead of saying, “Great job on that A!” try, “I love how much effort you put into this project. You seemed to enjoy it.”
- Ask reflective questions like, “What did you learn about yourself from that experience?” or “Did anything surprise you about what you enjoyed (or didn’t enjoy)?”
4. Encourage resilience and adaptability.
Discovering a sense of purpose involves twists and turns and switchbacks and setbacks. While challenges can be frustrating (and sometimes heartbreaking) for your teen, it’s the only way to develop the resilience and adaptability needed to live with purpose. Normalize trying, failing, feeling awkward, and letting go. Remind your teen that every interest, even the short-lived ones, helps shape who she’s becoming.
Put it into practice:
- Teach problem-solving skills by asking guiding questions: “What’s another way you could approach this?” or “What did you learn by that not working out?”
- Reframe setbacks: “What skills or lessons did you gain from this experience, even though it didn’t turn out as you expected?”
5. Be Your Child’s Most Devoted Coach and Cheerleader
Teens often need someone to believe in their potential before they see it themselves. And no one does that better than you, Mom. Point out the positive character traits and talents you see emerging in her! Your role isn’t just to cheer them on, though. Your teen also needs you to guide her through challenges and help her see her potential. Your belief in your teen is more powerful than you realize.
Put it into practice:
- Notice and celebrate progress: “I remember when raising your hand to ask for help made you nervous, and now you’re leading class discussions!”
- Connect challenges to dreams: “It’s scary to step out of your comfort zone, but taking healthy risks is how we grow. Think about how this could help you develop confidence, which you’ll need to pursue your dream of traveling the world.”
By nurturing curiosity, resilience, and exploration, we can help our teens step into a future filled with meaning and joy. How are you helping your teen discover a sense of purpose?
