I leaned over to my friend Nicole in fourth period AP literature and asked her where one of the other girls in our class was. “Is she sick?” I still remember Nicole’s reply because it made me so mad. “No. She said she needed a day off, so her mom took her to buy shoes for homecoming.”
My mom was a stickler for attendance, so I was never able to miss school. No mental health days, no shopping days. Shoot, I barely got any sick days. When I heard of kids getting to take a day off, I became indignant, and that has carried over into my parenting. It takes a lot for me to keep my kids home. But as I see the pressure of school piling onto my kids’ shoulders, I’m slowly becoming more convinced there are grounds for giving kids a day to breathe now and then. I still don’t like the idea of treating attendance as optional though. What do you think? Should students get mental health days off from school?
The Reality That Makes Mental Health Days Difficult
You might be saying, “Sure. I’d love to be able to give my child the option to take a day off, but I have this thing called a job, and part of the deal is that I show up.” No matter where you stand on kids taking a mental health day, the fact of the matter is, most parents work. I think that’s partially what rubbed me the wrong way as a kid who saw friends getting to kick back for a day. My family didn’t have that flexibility.
So now you have to weigh the costs. If you think your son or daughter needs a day off, is it worth using a day yourself? If you’re a single parent or don’t have paid time off and your child can’t stay home alone, the answer isn’t a simple yes.
The Growing Argument in Favor of Mental Health Days for Students
Between the pandemic, school shootings, and online bullying, the youth mental health crisis is worsening. State legislatures recognize the need for students to proactively care for themselves, and currently, the education departments of 11 states plus the District of Columbia have established guidelines for excused absence due to mental and behavioral health. Considering the number of teen suicides and attempted suicides, I can’t argue that a day away from the pressures of school and peers is warranted now and then.
Also, saying yes to giving your child a break sends the message that it’s important to listen to your mind and body. My parents pride themselves on their midwestern work ethic and passed it on to me. That translated to me not taking off of work for more than three days in a row for five years straight. Work ethic and workaholism are not the same thing, and workaholism is not a characteristic we should pass on to our kids.
Work ethic and workaholism are not the same thing, and workaholism is not a characteristic we should pass on to our kids. Click To TweetThe Argument Against Mental Health Days for Students
Kids are kids and they’ll take advantage of the excused absences. One state’s numbers showed that most kids took “mental health days” prior to a three-day weekend. If a child’s mental health is truly in question, the day away from school should be spent seeing a counselor or therapist, but most families just use it as a day to get extra sleep. That’s understandable, but not if the weekend is still packed with activities. There’s a reason Sunday is set aside as a day of rest. Our minds, bodies, and spirits need time to disconnect and relax.
How to Know When Your Child Needs a Mental Health Day
Many kids will ask for one, but how do you know when they legitimately need a day off? Keep an eye out for personality changes, lots of tears, frequent conflicts with classmates, signs of bullying, a shorter temper, stomachaches, or sleeplessness. Start by making adjustments to your weekend schedule. If your child asks to take a mental health day and you don’t see any signs, ask why she thinks she needs one, check your school’s policy, and then weigh the options.
If it’s the workload that’s causing stress, taking a day off won’t make things better. The work will still be there when your kid gets back, and there will be more of it. Your child might just need your help in managing homework and projects. You might have to show some tough love and make the call that he has too much on his plate. If he’s running on all cylinders every day, going from school, to practice, to homework and getting little sleep, he probably doesn’t need a day off. He needs a new schedule.
How to Do It Right
You can use this as another teaching moment and have your child tell the teacher in advance and plan a day when there are no tests or projects due. Then, unless your state or school district outlines specific requirements, it’s up to your child to determine how to spend the day off.
Most kids would benefit from a break from social media, so making that a stipulation is a good idea. Some kids need sleep. Some need time with mom or a day in the sun. My younger son would want to sit on the couch under a blanket while my older son would want to veg out for a bit and then spend time outside. Don’t waste the absence by forcing your child to relax the way you think she should.
This is such a hot topic that we took it to the iMOM Podcast. Listen to the episode, “Should Kids Get a Mental Health Day” here and subscribe to get new episodes every Monday morning.
What do you think? Should students get mental health days off from school?
