I’d hear the floors creak and put my hand on my husband’s to tell him nonverbally to pause the TV. Two seconds later, my son would peek around the corner with a mischievous smile. “I have oooone more question,” he’d say. Then his eyes would squint, and he’d look up and to the right. I’d humor him and give him a second to come up with his “question,” which was usually something like, “What are you watching?” or “Who’s your favorite person on this show?”
That was years ago, but to this day, my little one is a bedtime dodger. There’s always one more hug, one more kiss, one more potty break, one more sip of water… If your big kid or toddler won’t go to bed, here are 4 things to try so you can get your night back.
1. Use a ticket system.
When my son’s stalling was at its peak, I was desperate. A friend suggested giving him tickets to “cash in.” If he wanted to come out, he had to hand over a ticket. Once he was out of tickets, no more getting out of bed.
You can pick the number of tickets. If your daughter usually comes out six times, start out with five tickets and slowly cut back. You could even come up with a reward system. If she has any tickets left in the morning or the end of the week, reward her with a prize, Chuck-E-Cheese style.
2. Address the underlying issue.
It took me longer than it should’ve to realize my son wasn’t interested in watching Friends with us on Netflix. He was stalling for a reason. I’m a firm believer that being a student of your child leads to smarter parenting, so I considered what his behavior in other parts of the day could teach me about what was going on at bedtime.
He’d just started preschool and cried every day. Delaying bedtime meant delaying tomorrow. So we talked about exciting things he was going to be doing the next day and how drop off and pick up would go. If your elementary aged child or toddler won’t go to bed, think about what going to bed might mean—nightmares, another day with the class bully, or being separated from you and Dad.
If your elementary aged child or toddler won’t go to bed, think about what going to bed might mean—nightmares, another day with the class bully, or being separated from you and Dad. Click To Tweet3. Try sleep aids.
If your bedtime dodger is a big kid who struggles with anxiety or repetitive thoughts that keep her awake, she might want to get out of bed to escape her brain. She might not be able to articulate or want to talk about what’s making her uneasy, but you can calm her down and help her sleep with some breathing exercises, stretches, a small dose of melatonin, or an audiobook.
4. Just walk her back.
For a toddler who won’t go to bed, interaction is a reward. I’m not saying you should avoid eye contact and ignore her standing there in her footed PJs, but if your little one gets out of bed, five minutes of cuddling on the couch before sending her back to her room isn’t going to break the habit.
Just calmly say, “Back to bed!” Then walk her back to her room. Give a quiet tuck and kiss. You can bet the farm she’ll come out again, and probably again, but stay the course and she’ll learn her cuteness isn’t going to win this time.
What do you do when your child tries to avoid going to bed?
