“Mom, let me take your picture!” A budding photographer, my 15-year-old daughter excitedly pointed out the portrait option on her first iPhone. I was proud she had saved up enough money from babysitting to make such a big purchase, but I still wondered if she was ready for access to the online world.
A lot of moms struggle to decide when to let kids use or own phones or tablets, especially if that includes internet access. It isn’t always an easy call, and we all worry about the impact of technology on our children. Understanding key elements of child development can help parents wisely choose the right time to give kids access to technology. These 5 signs hint that our children may not be ready to use technology independently.
Understanding key elements of child development can help parents wisely choose the right time to give kids access to technology. Click To Tweet1. They are routinely disobedient.
Is your son likely to throw his baseball glove across the yard when he’s asked to put equipment away, or does your daughter stomp off to her bedroom and slam the door anytime it’s her turn to help with dishes? Because the impact of technology on children can result in addiction, it may be even more difficult for kids who struggle with responsibility and obedience to accept healthy limits or consequences related to using a phone or tablet.
2. You worry that a talk about pornography or online predators could affect their innocence.
A friend allowed her son to install TikTok on his phone to keep up with team chatter. She was shocked when he showed her the random, inappropriate messages he received on day one of using the app, and they agreed to delete it. Thankfully, she’d had a conversation with her son that kept communication open. If you can’t picture yourself having a proactive, candid conversation about tough topics, consider how much more difficult it might be to have a conversation during or after a damaging or dangerous situation. If topics like pornography seem inappropriate for your child’s age or level of maturity, you may want to delay access to technology.
3. You see character issues that trouble you.
Kids who struggle with character issues that show up as patterns of secrecy, bullying, deceitfulness, or shock-value behaviors may be likely to use technology as just another tool to test the boundaries. Abusing an app like Snapchat, for example, could be too much temptation because posts quickly disappear, and it’s hard for parents to track activity. Working as a team to develop virtuous character traits like trustworthiness or kindness is a prerequisite to having the privilege of using technology. If you have a trait you want to see grow in your child, our Good Character Traits for Kids Printable Calendar can help.
4. They struggle with conflict resolution.
A friend shared that an upperclassman on her daughter’s dance team often made plans to grab food after a game by sending a group text excluding only her daughter. The other girls then had to decide which teammate they would be loyal to. When her daughter finally shared what was going on at the end of the season, my friend was able to help her daughter organize a team-building activity and step up as a leader herself the next season. This type of scenario can happen to any teen, but kids who are easily hurt or offended, have a high level of anxiety about peer conflict, or “solve” problems by avoidance may need extra oversight and support from parents when using technology.
5. They have an unhealthy longing for popularity or acceptance.
A desire for friendship and peer acceptance is healthy and normal, and most kids in middle and high school experiment a bit with fashion or activities; we expect teens to try a new hair color or trade in piano lessons to run track. But if you see dramatic changes in appearance, preferences, or values motivated by an attempt to fit in, this could be a sign that online influences could cause more harm than good.
What is one positive character trait you’ve noticed in your child this week that you can encourage?
This article was written by Sherry Fiscella.
