When I was little I would tell my mom I wanted to go to college to become a “stay-at-home mom.” True story. I thought being a mom meant I needed to learn to cook, crochet, quilt, sew, and embroider. So I asked my mom to enroll me in every possible class that would prepare me. Lucky for me, the community center and our local church had me and all my crafts covered!
But after going to college and getting a degree—not in momhood—I moved to Miami, where I lived for five years. My life was filled with reckless partying and toxic relationships. It may have looked fun from the outside, but inside, I was feeling lonely, out of control, and lost. Then, when I met my husband and when we had our first child, life changed. Most moms look back on life before kids and realize how much they’ve changed or what they miss. Here are 4 things I don’t miss about life before kids.
My Small Faith
I’ve always thought of myself as having strong faith, but in my life before kids, it hadn’t really ever been tested. I had a carefree mentality, a good salary, and parents nearby to fall back on. And then the first test came with the premature birth of our oldest child. As time went on, other challenges brought on the kind of worry that robs you of your sleep. I was always tired and worried! Until one day my husband asked me, “Do you think my clients are our providers? We have a much bigger provider than that!” It was then that I realized that even in the bleakest moments, we always had food and a roof over our heads. In fact, we always even had cable! The testing of my faith through motherhood most definitely produced perseverance, but it also produced a stronger, bigger faith!
My Conditional Love
Yes, I experienced love before kids. I love my parents, my sister, my very large extended family. I fell in love with my husband, and I love my friends. But it wasn’t until I had my first child that I truly understood the concept of unconditional love. A love so strong for someone so little who couldn’t give me anything back, yet I would give everything for her! I had longed for this kind of love and I didn’t even know what that void was until I held my first baby.
The Feeling of Being Replaceable
In a job, everyone is replaceable. New people can be trained to do what you do, younger people with new ideas become a threat, and even technology can shift your job outlook. But motherhood is a permanent job. In my late 40s, I still find comfort in my mom. She is my trusted friend, my encourager, the one with whom I share my strangest ideas, and the one who still wants me to call her to let her know we arrived home safely after a long trip. No one else can fill that space. As we send our oldest daughter off to college and we enter into a new space in our relationship, my role as her mother will not end but rather shift to provide comfort, friendship, and guidance.
Motherhood is a permanent job. Click To TweetMy Struggle to Find My Purpose
I have always struggled with purpose. In life before kids, I would examine my situation every time I encountered people who seemed to have it all together, who knew what they were created for and devoted their lives to doing just that, changing lives and changing the world as they pushed through life with purpose and meaning. I was most definitely not that person. But when I became a mom, that feeling of purposeless living immediately went away. I realized as I held my tiny three-pound baby that my biggest purpose in life is to bring up my children to be kind, loving, respectful, and strong in this ever-changing world. I am leaving my mark on them!
What are some things you don’t miss about life before kids?
