As exam week approached, my teen grew more and more agitated. “What if I bomb my tests? What if I don’t remember anything when I show up?” Versions of these questions mounted as the days leading up to the first exam ticked by. I knew in my heart he wouldn’t fail, but telling him did no good. He’d already started worrying, and worrying, as you probably know, is a slippery slope. It’s not easy to climb back to the top once you start going down. I could see a warrior vs worrier battle inside my child, and the worrier was winning out. When this happens, we need to teach our kids to be warriors if their worrying side is taking over.
Luckily, having been through this worry cycle with my son in middle school, I was ready to help him with his first round of exams in high school. Does your child get stuck in a worrying mindset? Here’s how to help your teen shift his mindset from worrier to warrior.
1. Help your child prepare.
I sat down with my worried son. “The test’s in a couple days. You need spend time reviewing your notes.” One antidote to worry is preparedness. It’s normal to feel worried about a big event like a test, a speech, or some other performance where your child’s abilities will be evaluated. He might even worry about something social, like how to make friends at a new school. Whatever it is, spending time on the material he’s worried about will help him feel better about his capabilities once the big day arrives. Rehearsing what to stay or memorizing facts will help him feel more in control.
Remind him of all he’s done to prepare until this point. Then encourage him to prepare more. Having prepared should build a child’s confidence and shake out those worries.
2. Give your child tools to challenge her worries.
A woman I know asked her teen daughter to place her worries in her mom’s hands at night. The mom would then take them out of her daughter’s room. “Even though she’s old enough to know I can’t physically hold her worries, the symbolic act of handing them over released that grip she had on worry,” the woman said. Another tool is to encourage your child to write down her worries along with a possible solution. In our household, I remind my kids they’re not alone and God will help them. I encourage them to give their worries to God.
The act of putting your worries on paper or giving them to someone else can feel like your child is lightening her load. They’re no longer stuck in her head, spinning on a hamster wheel with nowhere to go.
3. Remind your child of past wins.
“When you didn’t understand that unit, you stayed after school for help, and you worked with me at night. Remember?” I asked my son. If your child succeeded on a quiz, completed a tough project, scored the winning run, or simply made it through the last competition in one piece, now’s the time to remind him of it.
It’s easy for a kid to forget he’s been through this type of thing before—and succeeded. Conjure up the memory of that moment for him to help build up confidence.
4. Give your child a physical outlet.
My kids recently joined a swim club and spend a few evenings a week swimming laps. It gives them something to do to blow off steam after school. But you don’t have to join a team for your kids to get exercise. Biking, taking walks, shooting hoops, and even playing ping-pong or doing dance videos inside will help kids get their bodies moving.
According to Melissa Sbaragli, an exercise physiologist, “Exercise stimulates naturally occurring chemicals in the body which elevate our mood, reduce feelings of anxiety and just make us feel good.” In other words, your child will receive a natural mood booster when she does something physical. Exercise also provides a good distraction from worry and by doing something fun, your child will have fewer opportunities to dwell on negative thoughts.
Your child will receive a natural mood booster when she does something physical. Click To Tweet5. Stick to a regular sleep schedule.
What teen doesn’t want to sleep in on the weekends? Mine love to sleep too, but if they have a stressful event coming up (like a test or a big game on Monday), I don’t let them sleep more than an hour or so past their normal schedule. If I do, they’re often up late that night, unable to sleep, and that’s when worry creeps in.
Altering bedtime can throw off the body’s normal rhythms. If your child sleeps too late, she loses precious time to get exercise or prepare for the upcoming event. And if she’s awake late at night, she has time to ruminate. We want our kids to succeed and teaching them to stick to a regular sleep schedule helps them ward off worry and encourages a warrior vs worrier mindset for success.
How do you encourage the mindset of a warrior vs worrier in your child?
