“I just wish I could have a flat tummy,” my friend Lauren said as she pinched the flesh around her belly button. I had stopped trying to talk sense into her months earlier. Even at 14, I knew what she saw in the mirror was not the thin girl I saw in front of me, and nothing I said was going to convince her otherwise.
Now, as a mom, I wonder if Lauren’s mother ever picked up on Lauren’s body image distortion. Body image distortion is the difference between one’s perceived body image and her actual body image, and according to studies, over 50% of adolescents suffer from it. Is your child part of that majority? Here’s how to recognize it and help her see herself as she really is.
Signs of Body Image Distortion
Recognizing body image distortion in your teen is difficult because chances are, it’s an internal conversation she’s having with herself. No matter what beauty standard she sets, she always thinks she’s falling short. (Note: I’m saying “she” because body image issues are more prevalent in girls, but don’t ignore these signs in your son, either.)
Sometimes there are outward signs, like avoiding mirrors (or conversely, obsessing in front of the mirror) and fixating on a particular body part. Also, If you notice your child is always setting and resetting weight loss goals, it could indicate that her view is distorted, especially if she’s at a healthy BMI.
Helping a Child With Body Image Distortion
1. Force a social media semi-fast.
Asking a teen to eliminate social media completely is like asking her to go without oxygen, so here’s some good news: According to a study by the American Psychological Association, “teens and young adults who reduced their social media use by 50% for just a few weeks saw significant improvement in how they felt about both their weight and their overall appearance.”
Show your teen you’re in this together and make a deal to match her social media “diet.” Then pick two windows of time when it’s allowed. Chances are, cutting back by half will still leave plenty of time to scroll.
2. Focus on strength and function.
It’s hard to dislike your body while praising and appreciating it for all it can do. So be that voice of praise for your child until she can come up with the words herself. Go for walks and point out that her pace is picking up. When she’s carrying in groceries, tell her she’s got a lot of muscle to hold all those bags. Even if she doesn’t like the shape of her nose or the fullness of her hair, help her build confidence in what her body can do, and that will make how it looks less important.
It’s hard to dislike your body while praising and appreciating it for all it can do. Click To Tweet3. Practice embodiment.
Embodiment might be new to you; at first, it could sound a little woo-hoo’ey. But basically, it’s experiencing the world through being present in your body or a mind-body connection. Little kids are naturals at embodiment. They dance, yell, and take up space without shame. But as we get older and self-conscious, we tend to hold back from taking in and interacting with the world. Speaking for myself, I am more in my head sometimes than in my skin.
You can practice embodiment with your teen through meditation, prayer, deep breathing, or dance. Give her some hints for how to do it on her own. “Remember that day at the beach when we just closed our eyes, breathed in the salty air, and felt the wind and the grains of sand? That felt really good.” Regularly doing some of these things with a child who has body image distortion can help her connect her physical and mental presence. Her body will become something she experiences the world through, not just something to be looked at, either by herself or others.
What signs of body image distortion do you see in your daughter or son? Do you see any in yourself?
