Are You Putting Your Husband on Hold?

Yesterday, I made a phone call and the person who answered said, “Doctor’s office. Please hold.” Click. No greeting. No please or thank you. I didn’t like it. I felt disregarded and brushed aside, as if my concerns weren’t important. It got me thinking about who I might put on hold in my life. I worried that maybe I put my husband on hold more than I should.

We’re busy—kids, dog, job, friends. Everything needs attention. But sometimes, when things get tough, other things get shoved aside. Is it your husband? If he’s feeling disregarded or like he isn’t a priority, let’s fix that. Even though priorities in a marriage may shift over time, here are 5 ways to take your husband off hold and move him back into your top spot.

1. Re-evaluate current priorities in your life.

The music in your ear as you wait on hold to talk to someone is a distraction. And distractions force you to shift your attention off something else. In general, how are you distracting yourself these days? What are you doing instead of talking to your husband? Kids are one priority. And a lot of times, they need us more than our husbands. But after they’re in bed, I know I’ve been guilty of finding other things to distract myself instead of hanging out with my husband.

Take him off hold: Look at your priorities. Do you need to allocate your time differently? How does your husband feel about how you spend your free time?

2. Put time (together) into your schedule to talk.

My friend Amy and her husband like to sit on their back patio together after dinner and watch their young kids play in the yard. It’s time for them to talk, but it’s not time away from the family. Talk to your husband about what you can both do for more face time with each other. Maybe it’s having coffee together before work or a five-minute phone call at lunch.

Take him off hold: Make appointments with your husband to talk later in the week if things are too busy on a given day. Go ahead and put it on the calendar.

3. Go tech free.

It’s easier said than done. I love catching up at the end of the day on news, emails, and articles on my phone. But I need to put a limit on that time. If you want to connect more with your husband, why not discuss some short-term goals you’d like to accomplish? Maybe they’re personal goals that you could share with him or goals you’d like to reach together. Have those conversations with your husband to draw you closer.

Take him off hold: Priorities in a marriage can shift after you’ve spent years together. But try to become more intentional with how you want to spend your time. A happy relationship is built on positive memories piled one on top of another.

4. Re-light the fire by having fun together.

With kids, we often plan our weekends around their activities. And that’s fine! I know my husband I enjoy going to our kids’ games and recitals. But picking out some fun activities to do with only your husband can release those butterflies you once had as newlyweds. That flip-floppy feeling in your tummy is actually oxytocin, the love hormone, rushing through you. And, according to this study in the Journal of Family and Marriage, the release of oxytocin can make things much more lovey-dovey with your husband, even if you’ve been married for decades.

Take him off hold: Head to a concert together or try an online painting class after the kids have gone to bed. Seeing each other in different settings and trying new things might make it hard to keep your hands to yourself.

5. Prioritize the same bedtime.

My 92-year-old neighbor recently lost her husband. She’s a self-proclaimed night owl and admits she no longer feels guilty staying up late. But she misses those goodnight kisses from her husband and lying next to him in bed. I think about that when my husband heads upstairs at night alone. I don’t want to take my marriage for granted—or my chance to roll over and kiss him good night.

Sometimes love is better shown through actions. Click To Tweet

Take him off hold: Sometimes love is better shown through actions. Sync up your schedule and go to bed together more often than not. Some priorities in a marriage are more important and should be placed higher on the list.

Priorities in a marriage can change the longer you’re married. Which priorities have shifted for you?