Every morning when I come downstairs, the first thing I do is let my dog out of her crate. Today started out no differently. “Hi, girl!” I said as my pooch rolled onto her back. “Belly rubs?” But then my husband materialized at my side, his water bottle in hand. “Did you notice the kitchen?” he asked as he headed to the water pitcher. I pivoted on my heels to survey the empty sink and dry rack. “Everything’s washed and put away,” he prompted. He wanted a compliment for his hard work—but I hadn’t even noticed. Oops! “Wow!” I said, standing and taking in the sparkling countertops. “The whole kitchen looks great! You must’ve done this while I got ready for bed!” He grinned and I gave him a big hug. I did, after all, want him to clean the kitchen again someday.
What husbands want may not always be evident. Some guys need compliments and some need other things. And sex is always good for your marriage. But guys have an emotional side that needs attention too. Want to give your marriage a boost? Here are 7 things your husband craves from you but probably won’t ask for.
1. To Be a Good Listener
“Uh-huh,” I said. “Oh, yeah?” Even though I had my cookbook open, my husband had started talking about work. It’s hard when time’s short and we have a million things to do, but unless we want our guys to stop telling us things, we need to start listening better. So, I put down the basil and gave him some eye contact. Being a good listener works both ways too, and when he sees you’re giving him what he craves, chances are he’ll return the favor. That’s a win for your marriage.
2. To Pick Him Over the Kids
Last night, I lay down on my tween daughter’s bed, closed my eyes, and listened to her talk. From the bottom of the stairs, I heard my husband call: “Are you coming back down?” Bedtime for the kids has gotten later over the years and with less time in the evenings to ourselves, my husband’s feeling shortchanged. I know I need to do better in prioritizing time alone with him because a strong marriage depends on it. And picking him is what my husband wants.
3. To Give Him Compliments
Who doesn’t like a compliment? The other day, I touched my husband’s arm. “You’ve been working your shoulders, haven’t you?” I gave him an extra squeeze and he grinned. Our husbands want us to notice them. They may not strut around bare-chested after working out, but when we give them a kind word, it makes our husbands—like most people—feel good. Giving your husband a compliment tells him you notice him, and you don’t take him for granted.
Giving your husband a compliment tells him you notice him, and you don’t take him for granted. Click To Tweet4. To Show Appreciation
“Thank you for cleaning the shower,” I said to my husband last weekend. “Thank you for picking up the kids from school,” I said today. I’m trying to notice the little things my husband does for our family because everyone likes to be appreciated. Showing kindness “can increase your sense of connectivity with others” and can boost your own happiness too. Though my husband will never do a little dance or wave the garbage bag around in my face before taking it outside, I know he likes it when I call attention to his good deeds. Why? Because I’m the same way.
5. To Offer to Help
When my husband gets grumpy, it’s usually because he’s overwhelmed with work—both at the office and at home. He’s always reluctant to ask for help, but it’s these days when I know I need to step in and ask: What can I do to lighten your load? Sometimes, he says there’s nothing. Doing the dishes or making his lunch might be appreciated, but sometimes it just helps when he’s stressed to cut him some slack. Insisting he mow the lawn in that moment isn’t helpful.
6. To Feed Him What He Wants
My husband’s a pretty adventurous eater, having enjoyed everything from rattlesnake sausage to sea urchin to deep-fried alligator. But when I cook, I typically stick to easy American or Italian dishes because the whole family likes them. Even though my husband craves more variety, he doesn’t complain. So, when I branch out and put down a new Middle Eastern meal or Mexican dish, the look on his face is pure joy. Cooking something special for your husband sends the message that his desires are important too.
7. To Join an Activity He Likes
My husband has a nice road bike and wears those tight, neon cycling clothes. It’s h
is thing. I realized when he bought me a biking outfit that he wanted me to join him. Though I prefer other outdoor activities, I spent several evenings last summer racing around a loop in our neighborhood with him. And I have to admit, we had fun. Does your husband have an activity that, so far, you’ve avoided? He may not ask you to join because he doesn’t want to get shot down. Surprise him. Next time he says he’s going for a run, lace up your shoes too. He may look at you differently after that—and that may be a good thing for both of you.
Why not try the 14-Day “What If…?” Marriage Challenge to shake things up with your husband?
What husbands want can vary depending on how long you’ve been together. Do you know what your husband craves from you at this stage of life?
