Anything of value deserves to be protected—and your marriage is definitely valuable. What’s tricky is knowing how to protect your marriage when you don’t see the dangers or expect them to pop up. But even healthy marriages need to be protected.
While your marriage might look different from your best friend’s, the key danger zones are pretty standard for many couples. Think of these 15 ways to protect your marriage like guardrails that will keep you and your husband safely on the road. They take work, communication, and intention, but they’ll ensure the safety of the most important relationship in your family’s life.
1. Have no secrets.
There’s never a good reason to keep a secret from your spouse. If you are tempted to hide where money is going, where you’ve been, and what’s really going on in your relationship and family, talk to your spouse about why you feel like you can’t share that with him. Honesty is essential.
2. Don’t have opposite-sex friendships.
You can be friends with other couples together, but it’s a terrible idea to have a close relationship with anyone of the opposite sex outside of that. People argue that men and women can have platonic relationships, but that’s the exception rather than the rule.
3. Don’t use porn.
It may be quietly acceptable in some social circles, but it’s ruining the sex lives of countless married couples. Real life isn’t like the choreographed world of pornography, and exposure to it can rob you of the chance for a natural, fulfilling relationship. It’s also really difficult to put effort into something when you can get it with little effort and zero risk somewhere else.
4. Agree on work boundaries.
Understanding that professional men and women work together and that many affairs begin at work, it’s important for you and your spouse to agree on ground rules. If one of you has to travel for work, talk about extra precautions to protect your marriage.
5. Know your spouse’s coworkers.
Don’t skip that office Christmas party and, if possible, have at least a little familiarity with any coworkers who work daily with your spouse. Pop in to take him to lunch occasionally—not as surveillance, but just to be familiar with his world and to spot trouble if it arrives.
6. Negotiate the family budget and stick to it.
Decide together how to use your income and what your financial goals are. Once those guidelines are set, failing to live within them is dishonest and unfair. If something unusual comes up, talk about it. But be transparent about who’s spending what.
7. Establish boundaries for the kids.
Disagreeing on parenting can be toxic to your marriage and disastrous for your kids. Talk about what the rules and expectations are for the children and support one another by sticking to your joint decision.
8. Beware of extreme time-eating hobbies.
It’s fine to have individual interests, but if your hobby or passion causes you to spend more time with others than with your spouse, you might begin to believe you have more in common with them, and you might begin to put them first. Limit the time you spend on separate endeavors each week or find something you enjoy doing together.
9. Be loyal.
It’s a mean world out there. Your spouse needs to be able to count on you to speak positively about him and defend him if necessary. Avoid friends who engage in husband-bashing.
10. Share your faith.
Couples who share a similar faith have an anchor that keeps things steady even when life becomes rough. It becomes a north star that guides you in decision making, settling disagreements, and communicating.
11. Don’t assume. Ask.
You wouldn’t think your own imagination is something you have to protect your marriage from, but when we assume things or guess how our husbands will react, it’s unfair to them. When in doubt, talk about it.
12. Use complete transparency with technology.
The only reason to have a phone or online password your spouse doesn’t know is if you have something to hide. Both partners should be completely comfortable if their spouse looks at any social media accounts, text messages, or other forms of communication.
13. Be accountable.
It’s not a sign of a lack of trust for married couples to check in with one another. Once you’ve merged your once-separate lives into one, there’s no good reason not to loop each other in. Why wouldn’t you want to share what you’re doing with your spouse? If you’re going to be late, let your spouse know. If you’re going to lunch with a group from the office, shoot your spouse a quick text to say so. Finding out about these things later breeds suspicion and resentment.
14. Establish good boundaries.
You’re married. That means it’s no longer OK to talk about sex around members of the opposite sex (especially as it pertains to you personally), and it’s definitely not OK to flirt, no matter how much you insist that it’s no big deal.
15. Be careful with girls/guys night out.
It’s great to get together with friends on occasion. But to protect your marriage, make sure they’re like-minded friends who won’t drag either of you into situations your spouse wouldn’t be comfortable with or that put your marital integrity at risk.
How do you protect your marriage?
