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What I Didn’t Expect About Expecting Baby #2

Since finding out about our pregnancy, an emotional battle has been going on inside of me. My husband and I were loving parenthood with our 1-year-old daughter, so the news of expanding our family was nothing short of amazing. While mentally preparing for baby number two, I fully expected this pregnancy to be more physically trying than my first. I mean, I wasn’t chasing around a 1-year-old ball of energy last time around. I knew I wouldn’t have the luxury of napping whenever fatigue hits or the flexibility to stay in bed all day if I felt under the weather.

On the other hand, several of the apprehensions I had as a first-time mom had disappeared. I expected to feel more confident. I expected to feel secure. And lastly, I expected to feel readyBut there are some things I didn’t expect to feel while preparing for baby number two. Here’s what took me by surprise.

I knew being pregnant while handling a toddler would be physically tough. What I did not expect, however, was that my second pregnancy would be equally troublesome on an emotional level. Three questions made me feel conflicted.

Will I love you enough?

I constantly find myself worrying about whether I will be able to love this new baby in the same way I love my daughter. It is difficult to imagine loving anything or anyone else as fiercely as I love her. She feels like an extension of my own heart—so the idea of loving a second child as mightily as I love her seems inconceivable. I’m a middle child, and my sister is six years older. There were times growing up when my mom talked about the six years she spent with my sister before having other kids. I felt as though they shared a special kind of love that my mom and I did not. I think these feelings from my own past have caused me to project the same feelings onto my own situation.

Why do I feel so guilty?

I feel guilty that I’m not cherishing this pregnancy like I did my first or, conversely, that I am preoccupied with the physical exhaustion of my pregnancy and not adequately providing my toddler with the emotional attention she requires and deserves. It feels as though I am engaging in a game of tug-of-war with my emotions, unable to find a balance that feels healthy and comfortable. With my daughter, I kept a journal throughout my entire pregnancy. I keep promising myself I am going to start one for the new baby any day now, but now we are over four months in, and I have yet to write anything down. In fact, I haven’t done anything to prepare for this baby’s arrival! By this time in my first pregnancy, we had started buying nursery furniture, clothing, and other necessities for my daughter. This time around, I feel like I’ve placed preparation on the back burner.

Will I be leaving someone out?

I struggle with thoughts about the future—specifically after the arrival of our new addition. I want to give this baby all the attention and love I was able to give my daughter, especially during those first few months at home. My daughter and I developed a special bond during that “fourth trimester.”

I worry I won’t have the opportunity to foster the same connection with this baby. My younger brother and I are only 14 months apart, and for many years, I felt as though we were in competition for our parents’ attention—who would get to cuddle with Mom on the couch before bed, whose sporting event would Dad come to that day? With being only 20 months apart, I worry my children will face the same feelings of competition I felt when I was a child.

There’s hope!

Thankfully, I’ve reached out to other moms with multiple children, and as I’m sure you can guess, I’ve been reassured that these feelings are completely normal. Many of these moms even shared their own feelings of guilt and worry while pregnant. And all of those same moms promised me their worries were for nothing. They assured me that once the new baby arrives, everything will fall into place. My heart will grow to accommodate the demand for more love without sacrificing my love for another child, and I’ll learn to balance my attention and time with both kids to meet their individual needs. I pray that other pregnant mamas facing a similar emotional battle will recognize: You’re not alone. This really is completely normal. Everything will fall into place for your family, too.

What makes you most excited or nervous as you prepare for baby number two?

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