My friend Natalie was talking recently about her childhood and made an interesting observation. She said, “Growing up, my dad was always very proud and concerned with appearances. He never wanted the outside world to see anything but a picture-perfect family in us and a flawless person in him. My mom was completely different. She was a person who wanted us to live life to high standards, but she knew how to keep it real. Because of that, she gave us permission to be transparent with her. She didn’t lower the bar; she was just very authentic.”
Our kids are growing up in a pretty fake world. Even people who “keep it real” on social media are doing it with filters. Whether or not they can articulate it, what many of our kids crave is something real, something honest, and you might be the only place they can get it. I’d argue you’re the most important place. So do you keep it real with your kids in these four ways?
1. Be authentic by talking about your own struggles.
We all have areas where we can improve. Being vulnerable enough with your kids to admit that you recognize your own weaknesses and are working to make them better gives you credibility. Of course, there are some adult struggles that aren’t appropriate to share with your kids, but plenty are, like how you know you need to control your anger, how you struggle with jealousy just like they do, and how you also cried over essays you had to write when you were their age.
2. Be authentic by asking for their forgiveness.
We all mess up. We overreact, we accuse without the whole story, and we take out our frustrations on our children. But when you are humble and honest enough to ask for forgiveness after a parenting fail, it can turn a negative into a positive. You show integrity by taking responsibility for your own behavior and modeling for them how to respond when they are guilty of a mistake.
3. Be authentic by placing greater value on character than success.
We all want our children to work hard and excel, but do they know why? Do they know that you value their hard work even if it doesn’t result in a trophy or a scholarship? If parents aren’t intentional about placing more emphasis on the virtue of work than on the accolades—or lack thereof—on report card day, our kids may believe that their value lies in their achievements. Give them the security of knowing that their best is good enough, whatever that is.
4. Be authentic by caring less about what the neighbors think and more about what God thinks.
If your children think that your rules and standards exist only to present a certain image to your peers, they’ll soon tire of the burden of keeping them. Researchers dealing with faith and culture tell us the younger generation craves authenticity over glossy facades. They are far less motivated to make choices simply for the sake of keeping up appearances. However, if your standards are set according to your family’s morals and values, they take on more meaning and have a better chance of shaping hearts and minds.
If your children think that your rules and standards exist only to present a certain image to your peers, they'll soon tire of the burden of keeping them. Click To TweetDo you struggle to be authentic with your kids? Why is it hard sometimes?
