4 Important Things You Can Do When Your Child is Being Left Out


being left out

Another weekend and my daughter has no plans with friends. She’s a great girl, but her friendship road has been a little bumpy.  It’s been difficult for her, and when I see her being left out, it makes me sad because I know that she’s sad.

I realize there are other moms who are going through and have gone through the same thing. My sister was among them.“It stinks,” she told me. “But it usually gets better.” It sure did for her son. After his elementary and middle school years filled with moments of rejection and hurt, he finished high school with a great group of buddies and even a girlfriend!

So hang in there, mom. There are things you can do to help your children during the “being left out” phase. Here are four things to consider.

1. Steer clear of stigmas.

First and foremost, handle your left out child with care. Don’t label her with tags like shy, awkward, or worse; {Tweet This} especially avoid these 15 things moms should never say. You want your child to feel like there are things she — and you — can do to make the situation better, or that she can ride out this challenging period and come out on the other side stronger. To enable her to feel that way, build up her good points. You want the message to be “let’s see how we can make this better,” not, “let’s figure out what’s wrong with you and what you’re doing wrong.”

That being said, if your child does need help learning how to make friends, look over these ideas.  Just be sure to share them with your child in a sensitive, non-accusatory way.

2. Be a party planner.

Be the instigator of opportunities for your left out child. Set up play dates if your child is young. For older children, offer to host a group of kids for a sleepover or a trip to the movies. Encourage your child to get involved with activities where she can meet potential friends. Fill her time with visits to family members, babysitting if she’s old enough, or volunteer work.

If your child is middle school age or older, see about inviting other families over who have children your child’s age.

3. Listen and love.

When your child opens up to you about his sadness about being left out, be a good listener. Stop what you’re doing. Focus on him. Don’t give advice until he’s finished talking. When you do give advice, offer it lovingly. “Hey, Buddy, I’m so sorry you’re feeling left out. Let’s talk about some things we can try to make this situation better.”

If your child is being picked on in addition to being left out, address that also. One parent I was talking with said his son came to him upset after some children told him his name was ugly. This dad said, “Luke, do you like your name?” The little boy said yes. “Well, I like it too. Mom and I chose that name because it means giver of light and you brighten our lives, Luke.” How’s that for great parenting?

4. Be a friend.

My daughter is smack in the midst of being left out. So I try to be a fun companion without a hint of pity. “Hey! Let’s go for a bike ride. Want to play Yahtzee? Want to color?” While I’m working on helping her make friends, I’m going to fill the role a friend would.

How do you handle it when your child is being left out?

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