A Disrespect Barometer

How do we know when we’ve crossed the disrespect line? Thankfully, there is one easy barometer: Check for anger.

Before I elaborate, let me ask you to consider a question: If you are in a conflict with the man in your life, do you think that it is legitimate to break down and cry? Most of us would probably answer yes. Let me ask another question: In that same conflict, do you think it is legitimate for your man to get really angry? Many of us have a problem with that—we think he’s not controlling himself or that he’s behaving improperly.

If a man can’t articulate his feelings in the heat of the moment, he won’t necessarily blurt out something helpful like “You’re disrespecting me!” But rest assured, if he’s angry at something you’ve said and you don’t understand the cause, there is a good chance that he is feeling the pain or humiliation of your disrespect.

If you want confirmation of this, consider the extremely telling response from the survey. More than 80 percent of men—four out of five—said that in a conflict they were likely to be feeling disrespected. Whereas girls are far more likely to be wailing, “He doesn’t love me!”

Unconditional Respect

Just as you want the man in your life to love you unconditionally, even when you’re not particularly lovable, your man needs you to demonstrate your respect for him regardless of whether he’s meeting your expectations at the moment.

Women often tend to want to control things, which, unfortunately, men tend to interpret as disrespect and distrust (which, if we’re honest with ourselves, it sometimes is). Marriage is about putting the other person’s needs above your own (he’s required to do that too, remember), and it does tremendous things for your man to know that you are choosing to trust and honor him.


  • Stephanie Marie

    I get all this and def need to work on some of it. however me and mine have had some hurdles(infidelities) therefore from time to time ill check his phone. I don’t hide it and if I see something il ask and it makes him FURIOUS I mean I got called everything but a white women along with my family, then he volunteered to give up his rights ( which is dumb because it doesn’t get him out of child support) but the point is EVERY blow up is about his phone. it takes time to get trust back and im sorry that I have insecurities due to his actions. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this because he thinks im wrong when I get in his phone and I don’t. and I def don’t think its a big enough deal to blow up like he does.

  • drrichardnorris

    I read this tip and realized that most, if not all my anger, stems from my feeling disrespected – real or imagined. I’ve been pondering the source of my anger for a while and when I read this I little light went off in my head. Thank you.

  • SheriG

    I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s reeeeeally hard to have respect for your husband when he’s crossed boundaries with his phone. If he doesn’t have anything to hide, in order for you to feel more secure, he should gladly let you have his phone anytime. Why would he get upset if he has nothing to hide. In the same boat😕

  • Anonymous

    I don’t get this though. My marriage has just ended, and it was mainly because I trusted my husband implicitly with our financial situation. I never once questioned his financial decisions because I thought he knew what he was doing and trusted him to do the right thing by me and the family. We ended up being heavily in debt due to his terrible mismanagement of our money. How can I trust a man again? I now feel as though I will have to keep an eye on anything a man does because trust doesn’t seem to equal the man being deserving of my trust.

    • Rodney Thomas

      I would like to suggest, if I may, don’t let his failure stop you from trusting all men…all men are not the same. There may be another good guy out there that you might miss because you’re holding the good guy accountable for what your ex did.

  • Crystal Talitha Hogan

    Have you ever studied psychology? It is very useful if you really want to understand what happned you must seek to view it through others eyes.look into projecting…the victim mentality is a marriage killer…a self fufilling prophecy. ..please for your own sake look into these things ladies..men don’t do things for no reason.