A friend of mine heard some harsh words from her husband last week. He said he felt like her lowest priority, and she acted nothing like she did when they dated. As you can imagine, she didn’t take it well. Would you? It’s hard to be a “girlfriend” when you’ve got work, kids tugging on you, and a laundry list of things to do. She was tempted to point to the literal pile of laundry on the couch and ask if the girlfriend version of her would’ve folded everyone’s underwear.
She said after she cooled off, she had a slight change of heart when she realized she’d stopped trying to show him she cared. He wasn’t asking for the young, wrinkle-free, energetic version of her from 15 years ago. He just wanted to know she cared. It’s not easy to embrace the idea of “dating your husband” and think like a girlfriend, but these 5 ideas can make him feel special and take you back to that season.
1. Call back to one of the things that first attracted him to you.
Think back to when you first started dating your husband. What did he fall for? Those white jeans? Pull ’em out of the closet, or buy a new pair. He’ll love them. Your killer brownies? Whip up a batch. The great team you made at trivia night? Get a sitter, and head to trivia at a local restaurant (even if it’s a school night). You can’t do these things all the time, but trying them occasionally will remind each other of when you fell in love.
2. Show him you’re excited to see him.
Girlfriends are thrilled to see their guys, and they show it. Meanwhile, wives pull themselves away from what they’re doing and give a so-so hello. I’m guilty of walking in the house after work and rattling off observations about the lawn or the bills I pulled out of the mailbox instead of saying hello to my husband (the man I really do love, I swear!). Put down your stuff, ignore the kids, and give him a sweet 20-second kiss.
3. Use the element of surprise.
When you were dating your husband, you probably found little ways to surprise him, either by putting a note on his car or popping by work to say hello. The thing about surprises that makes them meaningful is that they show you were thinking about the other person when you weren’t together. Show your husband he’s been on your mind with our lunchbox notes for husbands. You could also shoot him a flirty text, or send Instagram posts that make you think of him.
As we get more comfortable in our marriages, we tend to let the criticism outweigh the praise. Click To Tweet4. Let him be enough.
“All you need is love!” Those words from the Beatles were probably your anthem when you were dating your husband. Now, if you’re like me, when you get a night out to dinner, you’re tempted to ask another couple to go along to get friend time in, too. Look for ways to show your husband he’s enough for you. When you’re sitting on the couch talking, put your phone away. If he wants to watch a movie together, snuggle up next to him instead of pulling out your laptop to multitask.
5. Use your words.
Remember when you were so excited about dating your husband that you would talk about him constantly to your friends? You could easily rattle off 100 things you loved about him. As we get more comfortable in our marriages, we tend to let the criticism outweigh the praise. You might think words of affirmation sound silly, but in the grand scheme of things, saying kind things is a pretty simple way to show your husband you still think he’s amazing.
What did you do when you were dating your husband that you want to start doing again?
