My husband and I have experienced four of these five common marriage problems. I figured I’d go ahead and get that out of the way. We’re not perfect. If that’s you too, take heart: Every marriage has issues. The good news is that by being proactive instead of reactive, we can make significant changes and see growth and health come to our most important relationship.
Look at this list with your husband, and pick one that you think needs the most attention in your marriage. Give it a full month of real intention and see how it changes your relationship. We’re working our way through these 5 common marriage problems, one at a time.
1. Lack of Emotional Intimacy
Planning time to intentionally share your heart is key here. Talk about things that are important to you, and remember not to challenge or play devil’s advocate with your husband when he is being vulnerable and telling you what is most important to him. My husband and I have found we need to build time into our weekly schedule to do this; otherwise, it just doesn’t happen. Put a 15-minute appointment on your calendar and make it a non-negotiable. Lay in bed together and chat or sit on the patio. Need a kickstarter question? Download our free Q & U app.
2. Lack of Physical Intimacy
One great strategy for increasing physical intimacy is to plan time for it. Like having a heart-to-heart, if you both know you’ve agreed on a certain day and time, you will be able to make it a priority and mentally prepare to enjoy it. Be open with each other about what keeps you from having sex more often. Maybe you don’t have the energy after dinner and can send the kids out to play while dinner’s in the oven. Or maybe you feel less than sexy after a day at work, and he can manage homework time while you step away for a hot shower.
3. Disinterest or Lack of Appreciation
Putting your marriage above everything, including work and your children, is a must, but it’s also the most challenging thing. Imagine how you’d act if you were dating again. How different would your attention and attitude look? Take time to focus only on each other. Take the texting challenge to ensure you stay in touch throughout the day. Here are texting ideas for you and for your husband.
4. Communication
Communication is a common marriage problem because of several communication issues. If a lack of communication is your problem, there’s no shame in scheduling a meeting to talk once a week. If you feel like you’re never speaking the same language, try drive-thru communication where only one person speaks at a time and you repeat back what the other has said.
5. Money Issues
Like communication, money is a common marriage problem because there are so many ways it can bring stress to a relationship. If you’re a saver and he’s a spender, talk about how the other person’s actions make you feel—scared, confined, disrespected. If your issue is that you always go over budget, come to the table together with an agreed-upon goal to stop overspending. Both of you need to be willing to make sacrifices. All Pro Dad has some great advice about couples planning a time to talk about money: “If the meeting is prearranged and you both come to the table with 100% transparency, then the conversation about money can move from the emotional and into the practical.”
If you didn’t pick up on a pattern, the key to resolving most common marriage problems is addressing them head-on. Sweeping things under the rug doesn’t make them go away. It just makes the rug unstable and the room dirtier. If you think the issue is too big to handle on your own, reach out to a couple you respect or talk to a counselor. Some issues can be resolved in just a few sessions.
What is your top marriage issue, and how have you tried to solve it?
