Why the Right Mom Friends Really Matter

mom friends

Did you know that your mom friends can have a significant influence on your attitudes and actions as a parent and a wife? That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with women who “do life” in a way that coincides with your values and your goals.

Are your mom friends notorious gossips? Get ready to become one yourself. Are they heavily focused on material things? In a while, you will be too. Are they relentlessly competitive where their children are concerned? Then just get ready, you’re in for a wild ride when one of your kids is perceived as the competition.

But the news isn’t all bad! Mom friends who are compassionate can be great encouragers when we’re struggling or down. Generous mom friends will share the parenting lessons they learned the hard way to spare you the same mistakes. Friends who are spiritually grounded can help you focus on the things that really matter in life and stress less about the things that don’t.

Think you could use a change of scenery from your current mom clique? Here’s how to connect with women who will have a more positive impact on your life.

1. Look in the places near your heart.

Is your faith the number one thing in your life? Then it stands to reason that you would find women with whom you could connect in a faith-based environment like a women’s bible study. Are your kids the center of the universe for you? Maybe a MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) group would be the place for you to find some friends who share your passion. Even an area of life like fitness can be the path to a mom BFF who pushes you to be consistent and supports your goals.

2. Find your tribe.

There are certain parenting journeys that have unique challenges and joys. Are you an adoptive mom? You’d probably benefit from having at least one mom buddy who understands and shares that world. Are you a single mom? Another trusted single mom can be a great sounding board and might even serve as a source of help with your child when you’re stretched paper-thin. Military wives can be a great source of  strength to one another during challenges like deployment of a spouse. Moms of special needs children often report that having a few friends who are also parenting a special needs child is a great encouragement. Finding at least one other mom from “your tribe” can be a great source of encouragement and support. Check out support groups and community organizations that center on these needs and you might just find a great buddy or two.

3. Don’t be afraid to back away from problem relationships.

Sometimes you find yourself in a group of friends who are fun and sweet, but…there’s a problem. Maybe they only know how to socialize with a drink in hand and you’ve had past struggles with alcohol. Or maybe they love to shop and you’re trying to honor a strict family budget. Maybe they take a lot of  pleasure in man-bashing and it pricks your conscience in a way that makes you feel disloyal to your spouse. It’s not being judgmental of them to conclude they’re not the right friends for you. They’re just in a different place, or have different needs that you do, and that’s okay. You don’t have to make a big deal about it, just slowly back away and engage with another circle of friends.

4. Honor your mom friend relationships.

The best way to have good friends is to be one. [Click to Tweet] When you find those special relationships with other moms, do the work needed to maintain them. Even though you’re busy, respect your friendships by giving as much as you get so to speak. Return phone calls. Be a good listener. Offer to help with her kids at least as often as she helps out with yours. It’s an investment that pays great dividends.

In The Comments

Who is your best mom friend and why? Give her a shout out!


  • Fiesty

    I am an older mom with adopted children and my situation is unique. Our children are Asian and we are not. We get stares and people look puzzled and surprised. to see us. My husband has been fighting a serious illness for many years. My dad passed away and I am the only child and am trying to clean out my dad’s place. I have attempted to make friends and I do talk and am friendly. I don’t have a tribe. I do pretty much everything on my own. There are few people in my situation. My daughter will go over and help me clean but my husband and my son do not. I would like one friend.

    • Erica

      That’s a heavy load to carry. I’m so sorry! I have a heavy load too! I am praying for you! In the past I had friends but they were more like people around me rather than women who cared about me. I prayed a lot about this and now I have a few really great women in my life. I also had to get brave and get connected through church, women’s groups and MOPS! “God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20

    • Mary Lenahan

      I too am an older mom who choose to adopt a child as a single parent. My daughter has special needs and I too have found that it is hard to make friends who understand my daughter’s needs. One way that I have been able to make some connections is through the CCD program of my church. I volunteered to create a special needs class two years ago and have found that many of the parents in this program are looking for a tribe as well. I truly believe that God does not give us more than we can handle at times I just wish He would stop confusing my hips with my shoulders. I will pray that you find the strength that you need and a friend to support you.

  • Tanya

    When did we get so disconnected? I can’t even think of one person that is a reliable friend to call on. I am a 39 year old widow with two children, and have now been diagnosed with thyroid disease. I am physically & emotionally exhausted. If anyone could use a friend, it’s me.

    • Dana Hall McCain

      Hang in there, Tanya. It sounds like you’re pulling a heavy load. Have you tried your church, or maybe getting involved with a small group there? I’m praying for you that God will bring the right person into your life to encourage you!

    • courtney

      Tanya, I just want you to know I’m praying for you and your children. My dad passed away just a little over two years ago and I know how overwhelmed and lonely my mom feels. I’m praying God would bring a friend into your life to help lighten your load and give you strength for each day. You are a great mom.

  • Dana Hall McCain

    Thanks, Tracey! I’ve been so fortunate to have a few women like this in my life along the way, and it makes a world of difference–especially in the hard seasons. 🙂

  • Paula

    I have found it hard to find a true friend. I think we are all so busy with our kids that we just don’t have the time to dedicate to building real friendships. I feel like my real friends are the girls I work with. Friendships with the moms of my kids’ friends seem more superficial, which I know is partially my fault. It just seems like there is always this feeling of competition or comparison of our kids…I can sense it from the other moms. Sometimes I feel like I’m in high school all over again.