You hear a lot of talk today about how entitled kids act. They seem to feel like they deserve more stuff, more deference, more freedom—often without more work. The problem with self-centeredness is that it is tough on relationships—especially marriages.
Do you fall victim to self-focus too often? Check out our 3 Signs of a Self-Centered Spouse to see if you’re leaning in this direction and to learn how to think of your husband more.
1. You use a lot of “I” statements.
You’re pretty focused on what you think and how you feel, and you’re happy to share that with anyone who will listen. When you’re in conversation with your spouse, do most of your sentences contain the words “I,” “my,” or “me?” Overuse of those pronouns can be a clue that your focus is more on yourself than on him. Make a conscious effort to pepper your conversation with more “you” statements, and ask lots of questions about your spouse’s day, how he feels, etc. Our marriage talk tool can help you get the ball rolling.
2. You can make anything about you.
Your husband is having to work more hours? Your first thought is about how it affects you and your schedule, rather than the strain it puts on him. His relatives are coming for a visit? You immediately consider it in terms of how it impacts you, rather whether the visit is a source of joy or stress for him. Even with things that are a far greater burden for him, you skip right over his challenge and focus on your own.
3. You want what you want, no matter the cost to him.
Does buying the bigger house mean he’ll have to delay retirement another 5-10 years? So be it. Are you just “over” the whole sex thing even though he still desires an active sexual relationship with you? Whatever—that’s just life. There are some areas of marriage, like finances and sex, where negotiation and compromise are key to mutual happiness. If you don’t feel the need to consider his needs in these areas and at least meet him halfway, you might be a self-centered spouse.