When my husband and I were first married, I loved the way he looked when he was in the kitchen cooking. He’d always throw a dish towel over his shoulder. It was cute and sexy. He still does it, but now I often hear myself saying, “Where’s the towel? You keep hogging it!” He responds with, “You used to like it!” The joys of marriage!
As much as we try to keep passion alive, life has a way of zapping it out of the things that used to make our hearts skip a beat. But all hope is not lost! If you want to know how to bring passion back into a marriage, there are 4 things you can do in as few as 30 seconds a day. Tell your husband about them so you can go after this goal together. To make them easy to remember, all four start with the letter T.
When is the last time you and your husband kissed other than a quick peck hello or goodbye? And do those kisses even count if they’re the same way you’d kiss your grandmother? Dr. Cheryl Fraser, a Certified Gottman Therapist, tells clients who want to know how to bring passion back into a marriage to give each other a passionate kiss goodnight every night.
I know what you’re thinking. I’m tired and a passionate kiss might lead to something that takes longer than this 30-second investment you’ve asked me to make. Yes, it might—but not every time. And when it does, you’ll probably be more in the mood thanks to the kiss. Another more G-rated idea is a three-breath hug. Sync your breaths, inhaling and exhaling at the same time.
My husband’s love language is “words of affirmation” and I’m not great at saying things out loud even though I might be thinking them. He often fishes for compliments by asking how he looks or by saying “I think my workouts have been paying off.” I always agree and affirm, but it would be much more sincere and powerful if I offered the words first.
Aim to exchange a few compliments every day. When you know the person you married admires and appreciates you and finds you attractive, it naturally lights a fire. The words will come more easily for you and your husband with practice, so don’t hold back. If your husband needs some suggestions, send him this All Pro Dad article about compliments wives like to hear.
Normally on iMOM when we write about teasing, we’re referring to brothers and sisters or a bully. But this kind of teasing is the more grown-up type. I’m talking about flirting and using language to turn your husband on even though sex or even a kiss won’t happen any time soon. There’s nothing that can build passion in a marriage like anticipation.
When my husband winks at me from across the table, even if my kids are being chatty or crazy, my heart skips a beat. So leave notes for each other, send texts, and make eye contact from across the room. These all take way less than 30 seconds and will release endorphins, making you feel all the good feels!
Unless you write romance novels, “tantalize” probably isn’t a word you use very often. To tantalize is to excite the senses, so whisper something sweet in his ear when you pass each other in the kitchen, wear the perfume you save for special occasions, light a candle in your room to set the mood.
Consistency is key. Commit with your husband to doing these four things every day for 30 days. You might think, “It’s not the same if I have to force him to do it.” The first few days might be forced, but once he gets in the groove, he might realize he likes what these four simple T’s are doing for your marriage.
What do you do to build passion in your marriage?