A good friend of mine is married to a man with a quick temper. She says it’s not easy when he gets angry, especially because she still has children in her home. She describes her husband like this: “If I say something he disagrees with, or if I broach a subject he doesn’t want to talk about, he immediately loses it.” She says there’s no back and forth discussion because he moves so quickly from listening mode to angry husband attack mode.
Even if your husband is usually a reasonable guy, it’s still good to have an idea of how to handle the situation when he is angry. Take a look at these four options for how to deal with him.
1. Stay calm.
As much as you might want to let your anger match his, hold back. Refuse to escalate. If you can stay calm you’ll think more clearly.
2. See his point of view.
What’s the reason behind your husband’s anger? Did he have an awful day at work? Is he tired? Is he worried about finances? The cause of his anger never excuses an inappropriate expression of his anger, but figuring out his trigger will help you talk about his issues at some point and, hopefully, help him to deal with the problem instead of covering it up with anger.
3. Don’t scold him.
You might want to talk him down by saying things like, “Calm down.” That’s not a good idea. If you want to help him work through his anger, say, “Okay, you seem upset. What’s really the problem?”
4. Insist on respect.
We have all said things we regret when we’re angry. So if your husband says something inappropriate or hurtful, and he realizes that what he has done is wrong and apologizes, that’s good. Even then, though, it’s okay to say, “I appreciate your apology. I understand that you were angry when you said that, but it did hurt my feelings.”
If your husband is angry and begins berating you verbally, calmly say, “I know you’re angry and I want to hear what you’re saying, but I’m going to go outside/in the kitchen until you can talk to me respectfully.”
Finally, if your husband’s anger ever turns abusive, you need to get help immediately.
Did you know that next week is National Marriage Week, a collaborative effort to encourage many diverse groups to strengthen individual marriages, reduce the divorce rate, and build a stronger marriage culture. If you know of any events in your area that work to strengthen marriages, please add them to the National Marriage Week event calendar.
How do you handle things when your husband becomes angry?