My son was Mr. Easygoing until he hit 13. Then almost overnight he started to like girls, avoid his homework, and become glued to social media. I thought I would be ready for his teen years since I’d been through them already with his sister. But the teen boy world is not the teen girl world.
I think the world tries to brace you for parenting a teen girl, and as women, we know a little bit about what it’s like to feel the emotions, rush of hormones, and insecurities a teen girl experiences often within a single hour. But teen boys are more of a mystery. If you have a tween or teen boy who’s changed so much that you think there’s a stranger who eats a loaf of bread a day and smells like Old Spice living in your second bedroom, we have some basic truths worth sharing. Here are the 5 things you need to know about teen boys.
1. There is more below the surface.
Some boys are the quiet, still-waters-run-deep type. Other boys are loud and ‘put everything on the table’ type. No matter what type of teenage boy you have, there is even more going on in his mind than you think. The teen years can be full of turbulent thoughts, self-doubt, and self-examination. The next time your son is outside shooting the basketball or playing a video game, ask to join in. A side-by-side activity can help boys open up.
Teach your son how to express himself—especially how to express his anger. If he’s having a difficult time channeling his emotions and they are coming out as aggression, a physical activity like running can be a good outlet.
2. Temptation is everywhere.
The teenage years are so confusing for boys. The physical changes they’re experiencing can be scary and embarrassing. All of a sudden the girl he thought was gross has curves that he’s attracted to, and he doesn’t know what to do with these feelings. Walk with him through these years with a helpful, gentle presence.
And if you haven’t talked to your son about the dangers of pornography, now is the time. Kids have a natural curiosity about sex, and when you combine that with access to the internet, it’s very likely they’ll come across an inappropriate website or pictures.
3. They care about how they look.
I got a wake-up call the day I didn’t have to remind my son to put on his deodorant. I realized that he actually cared about how he smelled. Your son might be embarrassed to admit his acne bothers him, he wishes he was taller, or the pants you bought aren’t the right style.
I was checking my social media one night and saw that a girl he was talking with mentioned how she admired another boy’s six-pack. I thought of my skinny, non-muscular son and imagined how that made him feel. Later that week we talked about body types and how strength can look different on different bodies. Teen girls need a lot of care when it comes to body image issues, but so do teen boys. Eating disorders, insecurity, and comparison are not reserved for girls only.
4. They don’t know how to interact with girls.
My older brother was so handsome when he was in high school. He was also very, very shy. The only girls he ever dated were the ones who pursued him. He had no clue how to talk to girls, let alone ask them out. The same was true for a co-worker. He said that it always seemed like girls chose the bad boys, and that he got overlooked because he was nice.
Now with the gift of hindsight, we can say teenage girls don’t know what they want. Who you dated wasn’t based on much other than who was popular or who caught your eye. It’s true, being the nice guy might not make your son enticing enough to land him a date, but it’s the right thing to do. And if the right girl is looking she’ll see that your nice guy is the right guy for her. Here’s what to teach your teenage son about how to treat girls.
5. They still cry.
Remember, our teenage boys may look like young men on the outside, but inside, their brains are still figuring out how to deal with the more adult world. Allow your son to cry and express himself. Never shame him for crying or getting upset.
Explain to your son that it’s okay, even healthy, to express emotion. He’ll need those emotional skills in his future relationships.
What else do moms not realize about teen boys?
