Once in awhile, in the midst of an argument, my husband and I have reminded each other who makes how much money. When he did it, I got defensive and reminded him I made more during the first few years of our marriage. And I was also guilty. I had once argued that I should be able to do something I wanted because I made the money. Never a good idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you said something and immediately wished you could take the words hanging in the air back? There are some things to say to your husband that will bless your marriage, and there are things to avoid saying. Here are 5 things you should never say to your spouse.
1. “I make more money than you.”
Take my advice. This argument will never get you anywhere good. It shouldn’t matter who makes more; you should both feel empowered and entitled, because the money is both of yours equally. As a team, you are working together for a common purpose.
2. “It’s your fault.”
Assigning blame only takes us further into disagreement and isolation. Remember, you’re a team, and you can be part of the solution.
3. “I hate you.”
Be careful what you say in moments of passion/anger. Critical words are never helpful in fixing a problem. “You always…” or “you never…” are often spoken out of a place of pain. I used to do it, thinking that it would get my husband’s attention and let him know I needed him to change something. But instead of motivating him, it discouraged him from even hearing me or trying, since he felt like it was an unfair accusation. Here are some things to say during an argument instead.
Be careful what you say in moments of passion/anger. Critical words are never helpful in fixing a problem.
4. Nothing (silent treatment).
The silent treatment is an immature way to communicate that you’re upset about something. There is a place to reserve your words when you feel like you are too emotional, but there’s a difference between the silent treatment and holding your tongue. Once you have your emotions in check, pick a good time to communicate how you feel and why you feel this way. When it’s not done out of reaction, this will bring a positive outcome.
5. Mention divorce.
Often in a difficult season of marriage it can be easy to think about divorce as a solution, even when it’s not the solution. It’s not uncommon to search for a way out of pain. However, if you stick with it and work it out, it is most often just a difficult season that will pass. Don’t ever mention the word divorce. When you threaten divorce, you may regret it later. Here’s how to create an anti-divorce contract.
Wonder what your husband wants to hear from you? Here are ten things.
What are some other things you should never say to your spouse?
Cassandra Soars has published various national magazine articles on a wide range of topics, including life in Mozambique, Africa, where she lived for five years. Her first book Love Like Fire: The Story of Heidi Baker is available on Amazon.