I love Facebook, I really do. It’s great for keeping up with my friends; it’s great for getting a heads up about special deals, and it’s great for getting to know our Facebook friends of iMOM.com and Susanme.com. But there is one big thing that Facebook is not so great for – marriages. In fact, Facebook is cited as the major source of evidence in many divorce proceedings.
So if you’re married and you’re on Facebook, there are some things you can do to protect your relationship. First, you and your husband should have full access to each other’s accounts: usernames, passwords, everything. And you should be able to go onto each other’s pages whenever you want. No questions asked.
Another one of our rules comes from one of the most intelligent couples in the world. So if they think it’s a good idea, we should give it some thought too.
Here are 7 Facebook Rules for Couples.
1. No Secrets.
Your Facebook page and account should be an open book. If you haven’t already, sit down with your husband tonight and share your account info with each other: usernames, passwords, everything. Then, put away Facebook for a while and talk to each other. These marriage TALK conversation starters will make you forget all about what you’re “missing” on Facebook.
2. No Blasts from the Past.
So you’re sitting at your computer one night when you get a Facebook message: Your old boyfriend from eighth grade has found you! Okay, while it can be flattering that he still remembers you, don’t go down memory lane. Are we saying to ignore the message? Pretty much. If you want to say Hi, tell your husband first and let him be an obvious part of the reconnection.
Hi, Josh, nice to hear from you! I told my husband you got in touch and about some of the fun we all had back then. Take care!
If you still feel tempted to respond, take a look at these 10 Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage.
3. No Detective Work.
The blast from the past rule works both ways. Don’t reconnect with guys who are looking for you, and don’t go looking for them. I know it might sound like overkill, but what’s the point? If you find him and he’s now a successful, drop-dead gorgeous millionaire – who’s single – you might be tempted to connect. Or, if he’s married, think how his wife would feel about you seeking out her husband?
4. No Private Messaging.
If you have guy friends on Facebook, keep all communication out in the open.
5. No Facebook Daydreaming.
It’s easy to see posts about what other husbands are doing for their wives and start feeling that your husband is a dud. Taking them on romantic getaways! Buying them expensive jewelry! Watching the kids so they can have a girls weekend! But remember, no husband is perfect and even these Facebook heroes probably leave their dirty clothes crumpled up on the floor.
No husband is perfect and even these Facebook heroes probably leave their dirty clothes crumpled up on the floor.
So focus on the good things about your own husband and try these 13 Ways to Love Well in Marriage.
6. No Facebook?
Okay, since most of us are on Facebook and enjoy Facebook, this would be a pretty drastic measure. Still, it’s an option to consider. Mega-Mensa couple Marilyn vos Savant (of the Ask Marilyn column) and Robert Jarvik (who pioneered the artificial heart) told Parade Magazine that they don’t do Facebook. That kind of thing seems to open a window on life outside your relationship. They describe spending time on social media as an “I” thing. I guess they really are geniuses.
7. Status Update:
The only option for your relationship status is: married.
Do you and your husband have any Facebook rules?