My younger son is 8, and I thought by now we’d be past the whole crying before school thing, but this year has been pretty brutal. He became fixated on the idea that we’d forget to pick him up. I tried explaining why that wouldn’t happen, but he kept spiraling. Finally, I held his shoulders, looked him right in the eyes, and said, “Son, I promise I will always come for you.”
Mom, when our kids worry that we won’t pick them up from school or melt down over something small, what they’re really asking us is: “Can I count on you?”
Well-established research in child development shows that children who experience consistent, responsive caregiving develop secure attachments that become the foundation for emotional regulation, resilience, and healthy relationships throughout life. And those secure attachments grow through simple, everyday moments, especially the promises we make and keep. Here are 7 promises to kids that all moms should make to provide them with security and love.
1. I promise there’s nothing you can do to make me stop loving you.
If you have messed up or made some bad decisions, there might be consequences, but it won’t change the way I feel about you. I will always love you. Your choices don’t change who you are in my eyes. You’ll always be my child.
2. I promise I’ll always listen when you need to talk.
You can always come to me. I’ll do my best not to minimize your feelings or overreact. Even if you’ve messed up big, I’ll listen. But you should know that some promises to kids come with a caveat. This is one of those. Eventually, I’m going to want to talk too, and I hope you’ll be willing to hear what I have to say.
3. I promise to prepare you for what you will face in life. 
I’m not going to make the path easy for you, but I’ll do my best to help you grow in the areas that are most important: perseverance, courage, faith, wisdom, and integrity. Sometimes, this “preparing” won’t feel good, but I’ll be with you, cheering you on, and I’ll never put you in a situation I don’t think you can handle. When you face something tough, know that part of the preparations have been behind the scenes because I’ve been praying for you.
4. I promise to love your dad.
I know how important it is for you to have a mom and dad who love each other and show it, so I’ll always make your dad a priority. (Even when moms and dads aren’t married, we still have a love for the part of each other that helped give us our children.)
5. I promise to allow you to be yourself, not who I want you to be.
You have incredible potential, and I see how amazing you are, so I want the best for you, but I know that my desire for you might not always line up with your desire for yourself. I promise to let you pursue what you’re passionate about and express yourself as the unique person you were created to be.
6. I promise to admit when I’m wrong and ask for your forgiveness.
I’m going to mess up. I’ll forget to do something you asked me to do, snap when I’m exhausted, or say something I regret. When that happens, I promise to own it. I’ll look you in the eye and say, “I was wrong. Will you forgive me?”
I want you to know that my mistakes don’t define our relationship, and neither do yours. We can make things right. Love is stronger than our worst moments. Nobody’s perfect, including me. But I promise to always make it right with you.
7. I promise to let you go when you are ready, not just when I’m ready.
…because I might not ever be ready! One of the hardest yet most rewarding things for a mom is watching her babies grow into adults. We struggle with feeling needed and knowing our identity outside of being “Mom,” but I promise to loosen my grip and trust that you can take care of yourself when the time comes. Don’t let go of your dreams or goals because you think I need to be needed. You have my permission to live your own life.
What other promises to kids should moms make?
