My son was 367 days old when I found out I was pregnant with his little brother. We still had “Baby’s First Birthday” cake in the fridge and presents on the dining room table while I stared at a positive test. I immediately did the math. They’d be about 20 months apart. OK. I could do this, but I had to shift my thinking from spending one-on-one time with a toddler to preparing a toddler for a new baby.
You never know how a big brother or big sister is going to react to the arrival of his or her new sibling. Some are excited to have a new “toy” and others make it clear they aren’t pleased with the idea of having to share your attention. Helping older siblings cope with a new baby will make a huge difference once your tiniest family member arrives and future you (who is very tired) will thank you for doing some of these 8 things in advance. Oh, and if “in advance” has passed and the baby is here, a few of these ideas will still be a big help.
Helping older siblings cope with a new baby will make a huge difference once your tiniest family member arrives. Click To Tweet1. Focus on love.
Explain that the new baby is being brought into the family because you have more love to share. Try this: “Daddy and I had you because we had lots of love to give. We are having your sister because we found even more love to give. Do you think you’ll have love in your heart to give to your new baby sister? How do we show babies we love them? How do Daddy and I show you that we love you?” If you’ve picked out a name, use it while you’re pregnant.
2. Use a visual to reinforce that your toddler is still important.
Take a backpack and find a toy to symbolize each member of the family. Explain that the bag is your family. Say, “Now find a place for mommy, daddy, and you.” Ask, “Is there room for baby?” (Pro tip: Make sure you pick a bag that’s big enough.) Once everyone’s in the bag, say, “See? There is plenty of room for your baby sister/brother, isn’t there? Is there still room in there for you too? Of course, there is!”
3. Use your expanding belly as a canvas.
Preparing a toddler for a new baby requires some explanation of where the baby is growing. Take out some washable markers and let your toddler draw on your belly what he or she thinks the baby looks like. Ask: “Do you think the baby is sucking her thumb? Is she curled in a ball or laying flat? Is she opening her mouth? Does she have her eyes closed? Do you think she feels us drawing?”
4. Include your toddler in the preparations.
Let your toddler help you pack your bag for the hospital, clean the bottles, paint the nursery, and put diapers away. Take a tour of the hospital or birthing center with your toddler in tow. Be sure to sneak a peek at the new arrivals, too.
5. Have a sibling gift exchange.
This is one of the most common tips for preparing a toddler for a new baby, and for good reason. It creates a special memory for your toddler right away. Take a special trip to the store and have your toddler pick out a gift just for the new baby. Likewise, pick out a special gift from the baby for his big brother or sister. When baby and toddler meet, have them give their gifts to each other.
6. Have your toddler mimic what you do with the new baby.
Whenever you’re feeding the baby, have your toddler snuggle in next to you and feed a doll a bottle. If baby sister needs to be changed, ask big sister to check and see if her own baby is wet or stinky. And yes, get your toddler son a baby doll, too. It’s fine.
7. As soon as you’re up for it, plan activities that the whole family can do together.
It doesn’t have to be a huge outing. Shoot, getting out the door without leaving a shoe (or a person) behind will be enough work. A simple activity like a walk around the mall or a trip to Grandma’s will create memories, reinforce the bonds shared as a family, and provide your toddler with new pictures of what your family looks like.
8. Introduce your toddler to one or two new “big kid” activities.
Try letting her use playdough or glitter for the first time, or taking him to a new big kid place, like the children’s museum or a park with big slides. Just make sure it’s a place your toddler has never been before and that it includes activities a baby couldn’t enjoy yet.
Bonus: Be tuned in to your toddler’s need for one on one time with you.
Newborns require a lot of your attention in the first few weeks of life. If both baby and toddler are fussy, and baby has been fed, burped, and changed, then give yourself permission to put your baby down and tend to your toddler. Also, try scheduling just 30 minutes each day exclusively for mommy and toddler time. This will prove to toddlers that there really is enough love for them and the baby.
What makes you most anxious about introducing your toddler to your new baby?
