When my husband and I were preparing for marriage, the priest assisting us suggested that we commit to one date night a month. He admitted that it could be hard and a bit expensive because eventually we’d need babysitters, but he was adamant that it would be worth it. And he was right. We needed those nights out of the house.
But they weren’t enough on their own. Monthly dates weren’t going to cut it—a lot can happen in a month, and you just can’t leave it all to be hashed out during your monthly date night. So over the past seven years, we have gradually created the “Rule of One.” This rule recognizes that couples need to reconnect regularly if they want their marriage to be healthy and happy. If you’re looking for ways to reconnect with your husband, take a look at the “Rule of One” to see how it and its three parts can help you refresh your marriage.
One Night In Per Week
Four months after our first child was born, my husband and I were coming home from dinner and a movie when I realized that I was absolutely drained from the experience. I know some couples swear by their weekly date nights out, but that was not a sustainable option for us at the time. Paying for a babysitter, dinner, and the occasional movie was expensive, and making the arrangements for the night was exhausting. By the time we managed to leave the house, all I wanted to do was go back inside, put on my pajamas, and go to bed.
So, we instituted our “one night in,” one of the three parts of our “Rule of One.” Since that day, we’ve had a date night at home once a week. After the kids are in bed, I cook for just the two of us; we reconnect, and we just enjoy each other’s company. We light candles and serve special “grown-up” meals. We talk about the past week as well as the one ahead, going deeper than we do with the kids around. Weekly date nights at home require no money and only a little bit of planning. Find one hour a week when you can be alone, and commit to making it happen. For some variety, take a look at these simple at-home date ideas.
One Night Out a Month
Monthly date nights away from the house were the first part of the “Rule of One” we added to our marriage, and personally, we’ve found them the hardest to maintain. But we have fought to keep them on our calendar, and not just because I love eating out. Sitting alone in restaurants often leads to the best conversations between my husband and me. Just this past month, we spent our entire date dreaming about our dream home, complete with French doors in our bedroom leading off to our deck. As we walked back to our car, my husband was able to take my hand since we had no little children to lead across the parking lot. It made me realize I’d taken hand-holding for granted.
Having date nights is a great way to reconnect with your husband, and they don’t have to be expensive—consider swapping babysitting services with a fellow mom, packing a picnic lunch for the park, or attending a local cultural event with your husband. If you need ideas, check these out. And if you need a little more motivation to follow this part of the “Rule of One,” researchers found that couples who go on monthly date nights decrease their risk of divorce by 14 percent.
One Weekend Away a Year
My husband and I are fortunate to have families who are willing and able to take our kids for a weekend so we can go away once a year. Some years, we have had more “honeymoon” experiences: a weekend at the beach or at an amusement park. Other years, we’ve stayed local, found a hotel room deal online, and spent the weekend exploring different restaurants, taking walks, and enjoying each other’s company. In our experience, two full days really are necessary to get the full effect. For most couples, it’ll take a full day before you shift out of “parent mode” and can really start to focus on your marriage. It also gives you enough time to move beyond conversations about work, the kids, and other practical matters.
Weekend getaways can be pricey, but they don’t have to be. Consider splitting your kids up among several friends or swapping babysitting with a family member. On a few occasions, we have driven our kids to out-of-state family members, and then had our getaway weekend in the same area. Not every couple can get away for an entire weekend, but if you can, it’s one of the best ways to reconnect with your husband. And it might be just what you need to remember why you married him in the first place.
What are your favorite ways to reconnect with your husband? Do you think he’d say the same thing?
