How to Raise Kids Who Can Handle Anything

My sons love comparing their biceps to mine. They flex their skinny arms, faces turning red as they will their muscles to grow. Then they feel my arms and look at me in awe. I tell them, “Someday, your muscles will be even bigger than mine.”

Just like muscles grow through resistance, kids build mental and emotional strength by facing challenges. Research shows that when children learn to focus on what they can control—their effort and strategies—rather than blaming outside factors, they are more likely to develop greater resilience and achieve more academically.

Here are 7 things you can do to raise up a child to be strong on the inside.

1. Give your child a foundation of faith.

I have seen in my own children and in my own experience that kids who have a set of core beliefs that don’t change over time are better equipped to navigate an ever-changing world. Help them to develop a relationship with God. It will give them a sense of self-worth and identity that can carry them through difficult moments.

2. Let your child take risks.

You may think he’ll never get the lead in the school play, or that he won’t make the baseball travel team, but a parent who wants to raise up a child who’s resilient will let him get out there and try, knowing it won’t always turn out in his favor. If you steer your kids away from experiences that probably won’t be “successful,” you rob them of the chance to learn firsthand how to handle disappointment and regroup for next time. 

In fact, a 2024 analysis of 53 studies found that young adults who felt their parents were overly involved or protective during childhood were more likely to struggle with confidence, coping, and resilience later on. So, while protecting our kids feels loving, shielding them from every challenge can actually make it harder for them to grow strong. And those patterns start forming earlier than we think.

3. Let your child work for it.

When your kids want something, it’s not fun to make them wait, work for it, or hear them whine that they must sacrifice for it. But it’s worth it. Make your son mow lawns to chip in for the new gaming system. Encourage your daughter to put in extra hours of practice for cross-country tryouts. The sooner your children learn that things don’t come for free, the less likely they’ll be to back down when something stands between them and their goals.

4. Share lessons from your own life.

Did you have to overcome challenges in school or your professional life? Share your stories of rising to the occasion and inspire your kids. As they grow older, you may be able to talk about struggles you’re currently facing and which life tools—like faith, hard work, and optimism—are getting you through.

5. Don’t let your child wallow.

Sometimes people will treat your children unfairly, or things beyond their control will happen. Help them address their emotions—and then move on. Continuing to relive the slight will only keep them trapped and helpless. Teach your kids to forgive, let it go, learn from it, and figure out another plan.

6. Don’t let your child play the victim.

We’re all tempted at times to draw attention away from our own shortcomings by focusing on how others contributed to our failures. But established research on attribution theory—how children explain success and failure—shows this mindset seriously undermines achievement. Children who blame external factors for their failures struggle academically more than those who focus on what they can control.

Teaching kids to take ownership of their role in outcomes builds the resilience they need to keep trying, even after setbacks. So when your child blames the teacher for making the test so hard, guide him to see what he could have done to be better prepared. Or when he blames the loss on a bad call by the referee, help him think through what he could do differently next time (and what he can work on between now and then). 

7. Celebrate your child’s victories.

The development of your kids’ character and toughness will often take place in moments when things don’t go as planned. It may take weeks, months, or years for them to recognize how they grew and what they learned, but talk about it and celebrate those strides just like you do the obvious wins.

What are you doing to instill strength in your kids?