We often don’t understand what’s going on in the heads of our teenagers. In my case, this happened with one of my boys. He was such a good, compliant child that when he hit the teenage years, I really didn’t know that he was having a lot of self-doubt. He based it on events that had happened to him, which he misinterpreted.
There are many lies teens believe that influence how they perceive themselves and others. Even if you think your child is fine, be alert during these years and have regular conversations so none of these lies take root. Here are 9 common lies teens believe and how to point them toward what’s true.
1. No one understands me.
This is something you often hear because they’re maturing and they don’t want to be treated as a child. Part of handling this lie is listening, not always correcting or offering a solution, but offering empathy. Let your teen spout off. Let her see that you get it.
2. Getting “likes” and “followers” will make me happy.
Today’s teens aren’t just worried about being popular and accepted at school. According to a recent survey, over half of Gen Zers want to be influencers. And those teens are paying close attention to likes, followers, and views. They think going viral or having thousands of followers will validate them.
Help your teen see that real connection comes from genuine friendships, not digital metrics. The dopamine hit from social media is temporary, but real relationships with friends who make good choices and are kind to others will sustain your teen.
3. If I don’t ace this test, I’ll never get into college.
There is a lot of pressure to get into THE right college, and parents can put that pressure on them too. Your teen needs to hear this: one bad test won’t ruin his future. Most colleges look at the whole picture—GPA trends, extracurriculars, essays, recommendations—not just a single score. Even if your teen bombs a test, he can learn how to study differently next time.
There are hundreds of great colleges out there, not just the handful everyone talks about on TikTok. And college isn’t the only path after graduation either. Help your teen see that his worth and his future aren’t riding on a single performance.
4. No one else is struggling like I am.
This is really just immaturity. Life experience brings wisdom. So eventually your teen will understand that everyone struggles. But with social media and AI making it look like everyone is having fun, excelling at sports, and getting great grades, we need to make sure our children understand the reality of what others are experiencing too.
Remind your teen that everyone struggles, even the person who seems to have it all together.
5. Dating someone will make me happy.
This lie breaks my heart. It is believed by both boys and girls. I’ve seen it most often, though, with girls. A girl will start dating someone and get so much attention and get her emotional needs met that when it ends and she feels empty and devoid, she jumps right into another relationship. With each new boyfriend, she is desperate and chooses less wisely.
Teens are also navigating confusing “situationships” and undefined relationships that leave them feeling even more insecure about where they stand and what they’re worth. Encourage your daughters and sons that they can be happy on their own.
6. If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.
We saw this in one of our sons. He was an excellent athlete and an awesome three-point shooter in basketball. All of a sudden, as he got older and went into more competitive ball with more people watching, he froze up and stopped shooting. He became fearful that if he missed, he would be a failure. We told him that everybody misses. Nobody is perfect.
Teens face pressure from every angle—the academic stress to maintain perfect GPAs, the social pressure to look and act flawlessly, and social media constantly showing them everyone else’s edited version of life, making this lie teens believe even more prevalent. Remind your teen often that you love him for who he is and who he is becoming. Making mistakes is part of the growing-up process.
7. AI can do everything better than I can.
This is a new lie that teens are beginning to believe. They wonder why they should bother learning to write, create art, or develop skills when artificial intelligence seems to be able to do it faster and better. Help your teen understand that AI is a tool, not a replacement for her unique voice, creativity, and critical thinking skills. Your teen’s perspective, experiences, and heart are irreplaceable and can’t be duplicated by AI.
8. I need to have my whole life figured out right now.
Teens see 14-year-olds starting businesses, influencers with massive followings, and peers announcing college commitments sophomore year. It creates this crushing pressure that they should already know their major, their career path, and their five-year plan. The truth is, most adults didn’t have it figured out at their age either. Remind your teen that it’s OK to explore, change his mind, and take time to discover who he is. Life isn’t a race, and there’s no single timeline for success.
9. Things will never get better.
I had a child who had lost hope. Middle school can be hard, and high school can also be hard. If you see your child believing this lie, you need to pull out all the stops. Figure out why your teen is getting so down. What’s hurting her self-esteem? Create healthy diversions with a hobby, church groups, and family. Don’t just let it go on.
Give your child hope. Talk to your teen as much as you can, but listen more than you talk, so that you can be aware of the lies they believe.
Are there other lies teens believe that we should include? Which lie does your teen struggle with the most?
