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5 Fights Worth Picking in Your Marriage

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When you’re tired, stressed, or even bored, it’s easy to get in the habit of picking fights, especially with your husband. Some couples fight over every little thing—every sock left on the floor, every misspoken word, and every hurt feeling. But if you’re spending all your energy fighting on behalf of yourself, you won’t have any energy left to fight for your marriage itself.

And when you put all of that feistiness into fighting for your marriage, you both win. So get ready to put on your boxing gloves, because here are 5 fights you DO want to pick!

1. Fight for the best apology.

Usually, when my husband and I have a fight, I’m anxious to hear a good apology from him. I will apologize too, but I’m more focused on what I’m receiving. Is he really sorry? Does he understand why I was upset?

Could you fight for your marriage by vying to give the best apology instead? Yes, it would involve laying down your grievances. But try a lavish apology and see how he responds. I bet it’ll open his mind to lay down his argument pretty quickly too.

2. Fight to make each other smile.

I get it. Your husband comes home grumpy. He’s had a rough day, and he’s snapping at everyone. The natural response is to snap back and tell him to get a grip! How’s that workin’ for ya?

What if you fought to make him smile instead? And by fight, I mean really work at it. One definition of “fight” is “endeavor vigorously to win.” You’ll have to let go of anything that’s made you grumpy, but think of the change in your house if you endeavored vigorously to make him smile!

3. Fight to celebrate each other the biggest.

I love how the husband and wife celebrate each other in the movie Family Man. The husband (played by Nicholas Cage) loves to celebrate his wife (played by Tea Leoni) in big ways—so much that he can never wait until the actual day of their anniversary to present his elaborate gifts!

What if we made it a mission to celebrate our husbands and not just on anniversaries? Try complimenting him at the dinner table for something that normally might be overlooked. How about getting a cake and blowing up balloons for a completed project?

4. Fight to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

A spouse’s motives can often be puzzling, even infuriating at times. Why did he do this? But in this case, fight your own negative thoughts. Deal a nice uppercut to doubt by instead saying, I know he must have had a good reason for this.

And even when you don’t agree with what he’s done, fight to cut him some slack. 1 Corinthians 13 says this about love: “It keeps no record of wrongs…It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” So when I want to condemn him and assume he’s in the wrong, I can fight that urge and choose trust.

5. Fight for intimacy.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m exhausted after putting the kids to bed (which is 98.5 percent of the time), I don’t feel like intimacy. I feel like zoning out on the couch or just letting my head hit the pillow. But it’s a subtle blow to the marriage each time I let the opportunity pass by.

We can seize the opportunity if we see how important it is—and not just for him. For both of you and for the health of your marriage. Sex is a reconnection of two physical people and two souls. If there is something stopping you, try to determine what it is. Is it exhaustion? Lack of good communication? Not being in the mood? Check out our Sex & Intimacy page for more help to find a solution.

How do you fight for your marriage?


When your friend is in a bad mood, what can you do to make him or her smile?

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