“I’ll email your teacher and let her know your uniform shorts are at Dad’s. You won’t get in trouble,” I explained to my son, but he still looked nervous. “Hey,” I said to grab his attention, “This isn’t your fault.” The corners of his mouth turned up a little, and I gave him a hug before we headed to the car. The best help for single moms in situations like these is to have some go-to reminders, ready to share with my kid.
Kids in single-parent homes carry an invisible weight we don’t always notice. In the spaces between school drop-offs, two homes, or missing a dad who passed away or isn’t in the picture for other reasons, kids often create their own explanations and make themselves the reason for whatever’s going wrong. That’s why the words single moms say matter so much, and we need to say them out loud. Not big speeches—just consistent, honest reminders that our kids are loved, safe, and not to blame. Here are 25 things your kids need to hear you say.
What to Say to Kids When You’re Co-Parenting After Divorce
- “Having divorced parents can be tough.”
Naming what’s hard helps your child feel seen instead of alone with their feelings. - “This isn’t your fault.”
Kids almost always assume the blame for things that have nothing to do with them. Say this often, and then say it again. - “I know there are times you wish you could come home to both of us. ”
You’re saying the thing they’re afraid to say. You’re not making them sad. - “I’m sorry I said something unkind about your dad.”
Whether they overheard it or you said it in front of them, own it. That’s what accountability looks like. - “You are allowed to love both of us.”
They shouldn’t feel like they have to split their heart in half. Their love isn’t a competition. - “Living in two houses can be exhausting, huh?”
When they leave something at Dad’s, they need to know they aren’t irresponsible. It’s hard to live life in two places. - “You can talk to me about Dad.”
They need permission to process both the good and the hard without worrying they’re hurting you. - “If I say no, don’t go ask Dad and vice versa.”
This teaches consistency and provides emotional security. Kids thrive on boundaries, even when they hate them. - “I know it’s hard switching back and forth.”
It’s not just a logistics problem. It’s an identity shift every time they pack that bag. - “Just because your dad and I didn’t stay married doesn’t mean love doesn’t last.”
There’s help for a single mom who wants to prove love can last. Show them your friends who’ve been married 30 years or their grandparents who still hold hands.
What to Say If You’re a Widow or Dad Isn’t in the Picture
- “It’s OK to ask about your dad.”
Whether he’s not around, an unsafe influence, or has passed away, questions will come. Curiosity isn’t disloyalty. - “Our family looks different—and that’s OK.”
Normalize your setup without overexplaining. Difference isn’t deficiency. - “You’re not responsible for filling the space your father left.”
Especially for boys trying to “be the man of the house,” they’re still just kids and should get to be. - “You’re not a burden. You’re a gift.”
Single moms carry so much. Make sure your child doesn’t mistake your stress for regret. - “Your dad would be proud of you.”
For widows, this one is powerful and healing. Whether your child remembers him or not, your words bridge the gap. - “Your story didn’t start wrong.”
For moms who were never married, this tells your child their beginning might have been unexpected, but it was never unwelcome. - “I believe God has good things planned for our family.”
Even when the picture looks different from what we imagined, our story isn’t over. Faith is a powerful help for a single mom.
And No Matter What, They Still Need to Hear:
- “It’s OK to be mad at me.”
Let them feel what they feel. It’s not disrespect; it’s real life. (And you’ll survive.) - “You don’t have to take care of me. I’m the parent.”
When kids sense our stress, some might start managing us. Protect their childhood by reminding them they don’t need to be the emotional glue. - “I love you when you’re with me, and I love you when you’re not.”
Your kids might be out of sight but they’re never out of mind. Telling them this will help build their self-worth. - “You are loved. That will never change.”
This one should be on repeat. - “I’m not going anywhere.”
They need to hear this out loud, not just assume it. Especially when other things feel unpredictable. - “You don’t have to pretend to be OK.”
Let them know you can handle their tears, their silence, and even their puberty-fueled apathy. - “You didn’t ruin anything.”
Too many kids internalize the breakup—or the absence. This one clears their conscience and frees them from invisible guilt. - “I’m proud of you.”
Say it when they study hard for a test or when they finally stop leaving socks all over the couch. It all counts.
What else do you think your kids need to hear? What about their behavior has given you that insight?
