“Um, honey,” I said. My husband paused at the computer and swiveled my way. His eyes landed on mine, his face open, relaxed. “Ermm,” I said, shifting my weight. “Er, well.” I dropped my arms. “Forget it. No biggie. Dinner in ten, K?” He smiled and turned back to his work. I sighed. Sometimes, not saying something was better than saying it. It’s a little test in self-control and today, I passed. Not saying every thought that comes to mind is also a way to respect my husband.
To keep your relationship going strong, you want to be honest and open with each other. But trust me, there are some things you can keep to yourself. And that’s kindness. Ask yourself: How do I respect my husband? One way is to hold back and not say everything that comes to mind. Here are 7 things your husband really, truly doesn’t need to know.
1. Every Time He Does Something Wrong
Maybe your husband has other things on his mind and just messed up. Giving him a little grace can be a powerful boost for your marriage.
What he does need to know: You accept him and respect him for who he is. If I criticize my husband more than I build him up, he’s going to be wary every time I open my mouth. Try to switch gears when something bothers you. Find something to praise: Thanks for getting the baby dressed! I appreciate your help!
2. That You’re Better Than He Is at This Other Thing Too
Marriage doesn’t have to be a competition. Honestly, he probably knows who’s better at what without you telling him. If it doesn’t build up your relationship, it’s better to zip it.
What he does need to know: He has a lot of qualities you admire. He may not be a great cook, but man, he gives fantastic foot rubs. He also has a great sense of humor and can always get you laughing. Let him know! What are the qualities in your husband you love?
3. That You Wish He Were Thinner/More Fit/Better at Something
Caring about our husbands’ health is one thing but reminding him over and over that he just isn’t fulfilling your idea of what a healthy man looks like, can chip away at his self-esteem—and your relationship.
What he does need to know: That you care about him. You love him for who he is. There’s a way to offer advice without making him feel inadequate. Be gentle with your words and kind in your tone (especially if you’re worried about his health)—and hopefully, he’ll pick up on your care and won’t see it as criticism.
4. Some Things About Your Previous Relationships
Sure, share what’s crucial and what’s important for building trust. But the last thing your husband wants to imagine is his wife with another guy. It’ll only make him feel uncomfortable, hurt, or angry.
What he does need to know: He’s the love of your life. And you hit the jackpot marrying him. Your husband cares a whole lot more about your current (and everlasting) love interest—him. So, focus on the present and what you love about him now.
5. That You Don’t Care to Hear About It (His Work/Friends/ Struggles/Family)
Sometimes, we’re just plain tired and something rude slips out. But if it happens, just apologize. Then try to give him the same kindness and attentiveness you’d like in return.
What he does need to know: You appreciate his hard work for your family and that you’re there for him when he needs you. Everyone likes to be appreciated, including your husband. Take note of the little things he does and let him know you’re grateful. He might return the favor with how he speaks to you!
6. That He’s Terrible at (Dancing/Making Money/Putting Clothes Away)
No one wants to hear they’re terrible at something. And if your husband hears the same snipe over and over, resentment can grow. Sometimes, you don’t even need to say it, but you’re putting it out there with your attitude. Let’s not do that sort of thing to break down our relationships.
What he does need to know: That he’s good at so many things. Is he good at wrestling with the kids? At making small talk at social events? Maybe he always remembers garbage day? Recognizing him for these little things can make your husband feel good inside. And kindness is a way to show respect to your husband.
7. That He Smells
After mowing the lawn. After a workout. Telling him he smells when he’s just done a good deed is particularly hurtful, especially if you know he’s sensitive to criticism.
What he does need to know: You’re not perfect and sometimes you say too much. You mess up. You say things you shouldn’t. But you love him so much—no matter what.
Ask yourself: How do I respect my husband? If you can hold back on criticism, that’s a great way to show love and respect. Is this something that comes easily for you? Or is it a challenge?
