Do you know how to cope with parenting stress? I’ve done it the wrong way, that’s for sure. One night after sitting in rush-hour traffic, struggling through new math, and eating a cold dinner, I was just done. So when my younger son ignored my repeated commands to get in the shower, I got an inch from his face and yelled, “GET IN THE SHOWER. NOW!”
Here’s the thing—that exact scenario is probably going to happen again, to you and to me. But knowing how to cope with parenting stress starts with having the right tool for the right moment. Here are 5 common problems moms face (and the tools that actually help). Try them the next time you’re, well, done.
1. The problem: You can’t control things.
There are moments every day when things are out of our hands, like when the pediatrician is running behind or the cake that was supposed to say “Happy Birthday, Daniel!” says “Happy Birthday, Danielle!” It’s part of a mom’s life.
The Tool: Flexibility
Stressing over things going exactly as you planned will rob you of your peace and wear everyone around you out. Flexibility, on the other hand, will save the moment and even provide you with a new idea or a great memory. Moms who know how to cope with parenting stress treat flexibility like a Swiss Army knife. It works on almost everything.
2. The problem: You feel like you’re failing.
An older friend of mine joked that she started a “therapy fund” for her kids when they were toddlers. We laughed, but it hit close to home. Moms constantly feel like we’re falling short of the gold standard that has been set for us, but all that self-criticism isn’t helping us love our children better.
The Tool: A Mom Friend
A 2021 study found that women who spent time with a friend had measurably lower cortisol levels than women who were with a stranger. Your body already knows what your heart does: There are very few burdens in life that lunch with a friend can’t lighten. Chatting with another mom who gets it will remind you that you’re not alone, that your kids are doing just fine, and that what appears to be a failure might actually be a parenting victory. And if none of that helps? You can at least have a good cry with someone who won’t judge you for it.
3. The problem: You are ready to explode.
I’d lit the candles on my older son’s cake. We were ready to sing. The wax was melting. My younger son was flipping over the back of the couch, completely ignoring me as I yelled, “Get over here so we can do this!” I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a chair and yelled, “Sit down, now!”
The Tool: H.A.L.T.
Before you explode, stop and ask yourself one question: Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Because nine times out of 10, the shower battle or the couch-flipping isn’t really what’s sending you over the edge. H.A.L.T. won’t make your kid cooperate, but it will help you figure out what you actually need in that moment so you can respond with more patience instead of an emotional explosion.
4. The problem: You can’t juggle one more thing.
Dinner should’ve started 10 minutes ago; someone needs help with homework; the load in the wash is starting to smell; work is texting you… Even though you’re an expert juggler, if one more ball gets thrown at you, something is going to get dropped.
The Tool: Perspective
Which of the balls you’re juggling are made of rubber and which are made of glass? Some balls are always glass (your mental health) and can’t be dropped. Some others become glass for a moment (there’s a math test tomorrow, and your daughter needs help studying). Identify what matters most and don’t drop it for something that just feels urgent for a moment.
5. The problem: Your husband (or co-parent) parents nothing like you.
You’ve mapped out the homework-before-screens rule. You’ve held the line on bedtime. You’ve said no to dessert twice. Then your husband walks in, and within five minutes, the kids are eating cookies and watching YouTube in their pajamas at 7 p.m. You’re the bad guy. Again.
And if you’re co-parenting, the whiplash between two different households can feel even more disorienting.
The Tool: Play to Your Strengths
Different doesn’t necessarily mean wrong. You might be the structure; he might be the spontaneity. You might be the consequence; he might be the comfort. Kids actually benefit from seeing both. The stress comes when you’re fighting each other’s style instead of figuring out how to use both well. Take the pressure off yourself to make him parent exactly like you. Instead, have a conversation about where you each bring your best selves to parenthood.
And if you’re co-parenting, focus on building the strongest version of your home. Your consistency speaks for itself.
Stress comes with the label “Mom,” but learning how to cope with parenting stress keeps your mental health from being the thing that finally breaks.
Do you know how to cope with parenting stress? What tools do you use?
