Last fall, my husband and I took a weekend vacation to New York. We walked and walked and walked, covering eight to 10 miles a day. He kept saying he wanted to bring the kids next time and I kept thinking, “Oh, buddy, you’re asking for a meltdown.” We saw one family with a dad who was literally dragging his wailing child, whose tiny body had turned as limp as a wet noodle. He was done walking, maybe for life.
Figuring out how to deal with temper tantrums starts with knowing how to avoid them. Sometimes you can see a meltdown coming from a mile away—there’s only one piece of candy left and two kids, you missed the afternoon nap and now you’re sitting in traffic, or you’ve been walking for hours and the little legs are just tuckered out. Other times, meltdowns catch you by surprise. However the next meltdown goes down, try these 3 ways to stop it in its tracks.
1. Play pretend.
This one is a great way to stop a meltdown when you’re in public because it just takes a little creative thinking. Every mom dreads the moment she has to tell her child it’s time to leave wherever the fun is happening. There’s nothing worse than trying to get shoes on a kid who’s kicking and wailing about wanting to go down the slide “just one more time!”
Next time, instead of telling your kid that “the park is closing; we have to leave. Get off the ground,” try saying that “it’s time to leave, but I wonder what it would be like for the park to stay open all night.” One trick for how to deal with temper tantrums is redirection and that’s exactly what this is. Move your child’s attention to something other than being bummed that that was the last trip down the slide. You could try this when you’re leaving the kids with a sitter and you can tell the waterworks are about to start. Ask, “What if Maddy (the hypothetical sitter) had superpowers? What would they be?”
2. Channel the feelings with art.
I know. You probably just snorted your coffee through your nose. If your child is on the verge of a meltdown, the last thing you probably want to do is hand him or her a marker, but hear me out. Often, meltdowns happen as an expression of emotions that kids can’t get out with words. Giving them a hands-on way to convey how they feel will distract them, and can provide that outlet.
Here are some ideas that won’t leave permanent marks on your walls. Make happy or frowny faces with spaghetti, or whatever food you have in front of you, and ask your toddler which one matches how he or she feels. When your son is angry that you turned off the TV, grab a sheet of paper, and start drawing the scene with stick figures. Chances are he’ll join in and make it clear how he’s feeling. Our feel wheel for little ones is also handy for helping kids express emotion. All they have to do is point.
3. Use silence.
My son who is obsessed with claw machines received little comfort when I yelled, “I told you this game is hard and you were wasting your money.” I said it over his sobs after (once again) watching a stuffed toy fall from the grip of the claw. Every time I’d speak my words of wisdom or try to reason with him, it was like we hit a reset button and started back at the beginning of the drama. He’d repeat all of his words of sorrow and frustration.
When a meltdown is underway, a mom’s tone of voice and choice of words can sometimes make a bad situation worse, so it might be better to say nothing at all. Try giving silent attention, like a nod, a sympathetic smile, or an uh-huh as your child is crying. It says, “I hear you,” but doesn’t add any fuel to the fire.
When a meltdown is underway, a mom’s tone of voice and choice of words can sometimes make a bad situation worse, so it might be better to say nothing at all. Click To TweetWhat’s your trick for how to deal with temper tantrums?
