I’m not a cat person. Yet, somehow I kinda became a cat mom when our oldest daughter turned 16. You see, she acts exactly like every feline I’ve ever encountered. She snubs her nose at affection. One second, she acts friendly and approachable, and the next second, the claws come out.
It’s normal for teens to spend hours in their rooms. Teenagers crave increased independence and privacy, and their rooms provide a safe space during the often turbulent years of adolescence. It’s also normal for us as moms to miss spending time with our kids. If you’re wondering how to get your teenager out of her room more often, try one of these 10 ideas.
1. Tempt her with food.
After school, our senior stops in the kitchen for a snack before heading to her room to study. So, I do my best to meet her in the kitchen when she passes through. We’ll chat while she makes a grilled cheese, or I’ll surprise her with chicken fingers or chips and cheese dip. It’s nothing fancy.
2. Schedule a one-on-one date.
Don’t be fooled by that 30-yard dash to his room whenever your teen comes home. He still wants to spend time with you. Let him know you still want to spend time with him, too, by scheduling a date with him. Invite him to go on a hike together. Grab tickets to a movie or some wings at trivia night. There’s no agenda other than to have fun and get your teenager out of his room!
Don’t be fooled by that 30-yard dash to his room whenever your teen comes home. He still wants to spend time with you. Let him know you still want to spend time with him, too, by scheduling a date with him. Click To Tweet3. Take her to do her favorite thing.
During adolescence, teenagers often explore new interests and hobbies. That’s all part of growing up, but that doesn’t mean she’s growing away from you. Ask her to give you a glimpse inside her world by taking her to do her favorite thing. Let your teen show you why she loves chess, shoe shopping, or comic books. Ask questions. Be a student of your teenager and what brings her joy.
4. Make it a priority to eat one family dinner together each week.
This one seems like it’s about food, but it’s not. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what you eat. You know what does matter? Making time for the family to sit (or stand around the kitchen island) and connect. 
“Dinner is a reliable occasion for teens to feel connected to their parents. It is this connection that provides the real seat belt on the potholed road of adolescence,” explains Dr. Anne Fishel, an associate clinical professor of psychology at the Harvard Medical School.
5. Create a cozy common area.
Your teen’s room offers her a safe space to be herself, but it doesn’t need to be the only soft spot to land at home. Create a cozy place in your living room or your bedroom with blankets and pillows so she can plop down for a few minutes with you. Bonus tip: Put out a sweet treat and see if that causes her to linger a little longer.
6. Invite his friends over.
Let your teen know he can always invite his friends over for that study session or big game or just to hang out. Offer to order pizzas, grill some burgers, or light the fire pit for some s’mores. Getting to know your teenager’s friend group strengthens your bond and allows you to better understand his interests, influences, and the dynamics of his friend group.
7. Ask how to do something on your phone.
According to my senior, I know nothing about my phone. Of course, I like to remind her that I owned a first-generation iPhone, and I used to be an early adopter. But, also, she’s right. So, I typically ask for her help. She’s happy to come out of her room to make my phone work better for me. Time with your teenager doesn’t need to be Instagram-worthy to be worthy of an instant connection.
8. Show positive reinforcement.
Don’t just ask him about chores or grades when you see him outside his room. Tell him you enjoy spending time with him, even if it’s just for a few minutes before bedtime. Be someone he’d like to hang out with, too. Remove any guilt or sarcasm from your tone and face.
9. Find something to celebrate.
It’s BOGO pizza. Taylor Swift released a new album. Your family’s favorite team made the playoffs. Your teen passed that chemistry test (whew!). No matter what your family chooses to recognize, your teen will leave her room to participate. One mom I know somehow gets her teenagers out of their rooms to celebrate Shakespeare’s birthday with a themed dinner! But, hey, Taco Tuesday works just fine, too.
10. Go in his room.
Mom, adolescence is a season of push-and-pull. You’re both learning how to balance independence and privacy and a healthy connection with each other. What if instead of asking how to get your teenager out of his room, you go into his room instead just to say hey or to give him some encouragement?
When your teen emerges from her room, what’s your initial response?
