My daughter and I sat next to each other on the couch, watching TV. She’s never been a big cuddler, but I grabbed her hand and held it anyway. She immediately looked up at me and gave me a sweet smile before looking back at the TV. At the time, this little gesture didn’t seem like much at all; I was simply trying to let her know I was thinking about her. I thought I knew the tricks for how to give your child positive attention—and I thought it took more effort. However, that moment meant much more to my daughter than I realized.
According to the Indiana University School of Medicine, positive attention—such as eye contact, a warm smile, or simply showing interest in what your child is doing—plays a significant role in building a child’s positive self-image and reducing negative behavior. The small stuff really does matter! Now, I am not going to tell you to put down your phone or turn off the TV or leave the dishes in the sink for a while. You already know to do those things. Instead, I want you to try these 13 unique ways to give positive attention to your children.
1. Let them lead for the day.
Instead of following the normal schedule and routines, allow your children to direct the course of your day. Slow down (or speed up!) to their pace and allow their imaginations to run wild!
2. Smile at them randomly.
Of course, we smile at our children when they smile at us first or do something silly, but do we randomly grab their attention from across the room by smiling at them? Doing so will let them know we’re paying attention, even when we’re not right next to them.
3. Recognize their good behavior and accomplishments with encouraging words.
To show our kids we pay attention to more than just the negative things they do, we should make an effort to compliment and affirm the positive things too! This takes a lot of intention and awareness, but it will pay off.
4. Ask if you can join in on something they are doing.
If your child is young, get involved the next time he or she is lost in imaginative play. With older children, ask them to show you or tell you about their favorite hobby. Kids love it when we show interest in the things they enjoy doing.
5. Invite them to join in on something you usually do alone.
Whether it’s baking, crafting, or going for a run, ask your child to join in on the fun the next time you plan to start an activity you enjoy. Our kids love to be included in all the cool adult stuff we do!
6. Listen intently when they’re speaking to you.
When your child starts talking, stop what you’re doing, even just for a moment. Put down the dish towel, step away from the counter, and give them your full focus. Kids can tell the difference between being heard and being half-heard, and it matters more to them than we realize.
7. Ask them questions about something they’re interested in.
Children’s interests are constantly changing as they grow! Take notice of the things they’re currently into and ask them to tell you about them. They will enjoy talking with you about what they’re passionate about, and who knows—maybe you will learn something new too!
8. Send them a sweet message while you’re apart.
Leave notes in their lunchboxes or send them random texts in the middle of the day. Sending them positive words while you’re not around will let your kids know you’re thinking of them.
9. Seek them out by making eye contact.
You don’t need words to tell your child you see them. A glance across a crowded room, a knowing look during a family dinner, or simply making eye contact when they walk into the same room—these small moments of visual connection communicate “I notice you” without saying a word.
10. Show them unsolicited affection.
An impromptu hug, handhold, or quick squeeze of an arm are great ways to remind our kids we are there with them.
11. Read an extra story at bedtime.
Making time for a little more one-on-one interaction before sending my kids off to bed is my favorite way to give them attention on extra-busy days. And the bonus is I often receive snuggles from them in return!
12. Display something they’ve made you.
Wear the bracelet. Hang the picture. Displaying the items our children create for us is a great way to give attention to their effort and talent.
13. Circle back to something they told you.
If your child mentions on Monday that she’s nervous about her test on Wednesday, bring it up on Wednesday morning: “Hey, prayed for you this morning about your test. How are you feeling?” It communicates, I hear you, I remember, and I’m always thinking of you. That kind of attention doesn’t require a cleared schedule or a grand gesture. It just requires paying attention the first time and then proving it later.
What special activity can you do with your child this week to give him or her positive attention?
