My middle son, Isaac, is a perfect visual blend of his older sister and younger brother, and he embodies the characteristics of a middle child: flexible, friendly, and fun—but his interests are all his own. He wants to master a Rubik’s Cube, trade Pokémon cards, and learn how to skateboard. That lineup is a guaranteed strikeout for this mama who likes reading, baking, and running.
I have a small dose of regret over never signing my son up for baseball. He showed interest, and asked repeatedly, yet I kept attempting to steer him toward activities that were more familiar and fun—for me. Now, I intentionally allow that uncomfortable feeling of regret to stay nestled in my brain so I don’t get in the habit of only nurturing the interests of his that match mine. A year ago, I knew absolutely nothing about Pokémon, but I was determined to prioritize Isaac by connecting with him through his favorite activity. Here are 4 ways to ease into connecting with your child’s interests when they don’t interest you.
1. Dip your toes in.
The first time I sat next to Isaac as he sorted his Pokémon cards, I asked if we could just look at the pictures of the different characters and pick out our favorites. Even though he explained that “that’s not really a game,” he was happy I was showing interest.
Taking that first small step toward connection might look like open-ended questions while you’re riding in the car, watching a few minutes of your kid’s favorite YouTube star, or simply telling your kids that you are interested in learning more about their favorite hobby.
2. Do some exploring.
For several weeks, my son begged me to take him to a Pokémon store where he could trade some cards. After I exhausted all my excuses for not wanting to go, I drove him to the nearest store (which wasn’t near at all—40 minutes each way) that offered to trade Pokémon cards. I initially had no interest in spending my Sunday afternoon that way, but watching him light up with excitement after his first legitimate trade made it absolutely worth it.
Exploring a new art studio, community theater, tae kwon do school, or guitar lesson might be a great way to show your kids you care about what they care about. This extra effort also demonstrates you’re willing to go beyond simply dipping your toes in.
3. Really dig in.
This is the nitty-gritty stage of connecting through your child’s interests, but hey, big investments often have big rewards. Learning how to actually “play” Pokémon meant slowing down, sitting down, learning the rules, and investing time in my son’s world. The investment of time paid off in seeing how my son strategizes and prioritizes, having conversations about things related and unrelated to Pokémon, and showing him that he is a priority to me.
Digging in might also look like reading their favorite book with them—even if it’s a genre you dislike. Perhaps you’ll order safety gear and take them to a skate park rather than limit their skateboarding to your cul-de-sac. Going out of your comfort zone and stepping into your child’s world is much better than looking back with regret on missed opportunities.
Going out of your comfort zone and stepping into your child’s world is much better than looking back with regret on missed opportunities. Click To Tweet4. Go big!
This is the big gesture that really shows your commitment to your child, his interests, and a connection. My son thought I knocked it out of the park when I took him to the state fairgrounds for the annual card trading convention—AND I allowed him to enter his first Pokémon tournament. Seeing his excitement and enthusiasm made this connection a total win.
Imagine the memories that could be made while sitting next to your child at his first concert—even though it’s a band you’ve never heard of. A mom who invests in her child’s interests, in big or small ways, shows her child he’s important and interesting to her—and that’s one of the best ways to build a relationship that lasts.
How have you gotten out of your comfort zone when attempting to connect with one of your kids?
