“I can’t find my orchestra shirt!” my daughter called. “Can you help me?” By the time I got upstairs, she’d emptied all her dresser drawers, and her room looked like it’d been ransacked by a robber. “I found it,” she said, holding the shirt by its collar as she waded through the piles on the floor. “Excellent,” I said. “We’re leaving in 20 minutes.” I hesitated, looking at the mess, but left, letting things go without another word.
Sometimes kids need a break. Sometimes we do too. You’re not a bad parent for letting things slide every so often. When stress and mess collide, sometimes it’s better to prioritize calm. Here are 5 more times you can be flexible with your kids this week by letting things go.
1. When the Schedule Is Too Much
“Mom, I don’t feel like doing my homework,” my son said. I found him face down on his bed after school, beat. Usually, he went straight to the table and got to work, but today seemed to be different. “OK,” I said. “Take a break.” In fact, I thought, if you don’t do it at all, I’m going to let that go too. He’d had a rough night’s sleep and a morning field trip to the planetarium. If he didn’t get it done, he’d survive.
Many times, it’s good to be flexible. And if your kid experiences the natural consequences of not turning in his homework, that might be a more valuable lesson. In what other ways can you let your kid off the hook this week regarding your schedule?
2. When She Wants to Try Something Risky
“Can I go to Noelle’s house?” my daughter asked. “She said she’d meet me halfway if I wanted to bike.” Hmmm, I thought. A little independence might be a good thing for her. “As long as you wear your helmet and have her mom text me when you guys get to her house.”
This week, you can let your child join the pick-up soccer game in the field. You know—the one that doesn’t have adult supervision? Tell her you’ll be back in an hour. If your child’s asking to do something a little risky, it might be the perfect time to give her your trust. With more autonomy, kids learn their capabilities and develop higher levels of confidence.
With more autonomy, kids learn their capabilities and develop higher levels of confidence. Click To Tweet3. When She Wants to Drop an Activity
“I want to quit piano.” My daughter told me she’d gotten overwhelmed this year with too many after-school activities. And I admit it broke my heart to think she’d choose to cut piano after all these years of lessons. But it wasn’t about me, I reminded myself. She’s gotten older and found other interests. “I’ve paid through this month,” I said. “But if that’s what you want to do, you can quit.” Sometimes kids want to quit something because it’s hard, but that’s not what this is about. If she’s given it a fair try and followed through with her commitment, she should be allowed to quit.
Talk to your child about why she might not want to continue something. If it’s a club or a team where her absence doesn’t affect others, it might be fine to let her give it up. With one less obligation, there would also be more time to spend together as a family and a strong connection with your child is one of the most important things you can give her.
4. When He Wants So Stay Home
“I don’t wanna go,” my son said as I stood by the back door with my keys. If your child voices his preference not to go along, let him get away with it this time. Maybe it’s a social obligation or a church function and you’ve RSVP’d your entire family. Sometimes it’s OK to back out. It might be better for his mental health and wellness to take a break. Honoring his request might also be good for your relationship.
When you let your child stay home, it’s probably because he needs some downtime. Has he felt overwhelmed lately or rundown? Every now and again, kids need a break. And if he is given a few extra hours to think, daydream, and wonder, it might be just what he needs to feel replenished.
5. When She Stays Up Past Bedtime
Are you a bedtime stickler? I try to be. But look. It’s hard to maintain a strict bedtime every single night, and it’s usually no fun for the kids to feel like you’re always running a tight ship. Let’s give ourselves a break this week. One more TV show. One more book or chapter. Another round of Uno.
Maybe you see the flashlight glowing beneath the door—and you walk on by. Maybe you hear music softly playing inside your daughter’s room—and you ignore it. I’m not saying you make this a regular thing, but this week, let your kid get away with it. Letting things go every so often can be a good thing for both of you. One exception: I’m not for screens in bedrooms. But letting your child get away with staying up past bedtime here and there probably won’t hurt—and just might be the break you both need.
When can flexibility and letting things go be a healthier choice for you and your kids?
