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5 Ways Life Challenges Change Your Marriage for the Better

I set my newborn down, all swaddled, fast asleep. But as soon as I tip-toed to the door, his eyes popped open, and he let out a cry. I rushed back to find the biggest, fattest tears soaking his little cheeks. I scooped him up and danced him around. “Honey,” I said to my husband, my voice cracking. “It’s way too bright.” We both stared at the naked window of our new apartment, the brilliant sunlight filling the room. My husband, desperate to help, found an old blanket and draped it over the curtain rod. Even though it looked awful, it helped. “Why is everything so hard?” I asked, aching to lie down.

We learned in those early years to work together as a couple, and it strengthened our bond. Almost two decades later, my husband and I have been through many challenges. But now, I feel there’s nothing we can’t do together. Whether it’s child-related or something else, your relationship can take a beating. But here are 5 ways life challenges change your marriage for the better and make your relationship stronger.

1. You learn more about each other and your capabilities.

When my kids were little, we lived in Boston. It turned out my husband knew a lot about public transportation and taught me how to navigate the city. When we traveled together, he led while I tended to the children. Sometimes we don’t know what we’re capable of until we’re thrust into a difficult or new situation. The little ways you rely on each other can draw you and your husband closer.

2. You develop a deeper appreciation for each other.

My daughter was diagnosed with multiple food allergies as a baby. Together, my husband and I went through our pantry and chucked everything that contained her allergens. We were terrified! But then something happened. “I still want her to eat well,” my husband said one night as he flipped through cookbooks. As the months passed, my husband experimented with a variety of dishes, adjusting recipes to fit our daughter’s needs. He ended up turning our struggle into a blessing. His efforts have helped me appreciate my husband even more.

3. You model resourcefulness and grit.

We wanted to move out of the city, but my husband needed to find the right job. It took years! Now we use this story with our kids. “What if Dad gave up?” I asked recently. My daughter piped up: “We wouldn’t live near Nana and Grandpa.” I encouraged her to keep working when things got tough at school. “If Dad can keep at it, so can you.” Switching jobs and moving are big life challenges. Our experiences as parents can be a touchstone for talks with our kids when they get discouraged.

4. Your struggles strengthen your bond.

After nearly six weeks of struggle, my newborn finally started nursing. I felt like a superhero! My husband, who knew I wanted to nurse, supported me through it all. With that success, we both felt we could handle any of life’s punches. Through ER visits, teacher conferences, and more, we’ve plowed through many new life challenges over the years together.

5. You gain history together to look back upon and reflect.

Perhaps one of the best parts of marriage is the ability to reflect on a shared history—the ups and the downs. When my husband came down with the flu, he told me he needed to go to the hospital. I recommended a cold cloth and Tylenol. “Remember when I had kidney stones?” he said, chattering beneath a pile of blankets. “And you said it was just gas?” I winced at the memory and started packing. Weathering storms is something all couples do. Emerging from the storm together is what strengthens the bond that first drew you together.

Weathering storms is something all couples do. Emerging from the storm together is what strengthens the bond that first drew you together. Click To Tweet

What life challenges have brought you and your husband closer?

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