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4 Things You Need in Marriage Besides Love

Have you ever watched a dating or reality show where you’re basically a fly on the wall, observing a couple as they fall in love? I have, and I always shake my head when they inevitably say, “We know we’ll face hard times, but we love each other, and love is all you need.” They’re not completely wrong. Love, in its purest, most sacrificial form, is all you need. But for most infatuated couples, that’s not the kind of love they are referring to. So for the sake of clarity, what does a relationship need besides love?

Ask any husband and wife what it took to see growth in their relationship, and they might say “love” at first. Then they’ll probably get more specific if you give them a moment to think. Chances are, you’ll hear them say one of these 4 things you need in marriage besides love.

1. Forgiveness

If someone asked “What does a marriage need besides love?” my first response would be forgiveness. Without forgiveness, a marriage can’t last. We’ll harbor resentment, keep score, and grow bitter. That’s not what any of us wants for a lifelong, loving relationship.

In the first few years of our marriage, my husband and I were not very good at forgiveness. The distance between us grew until we finally realized we needed a major breakthrough—which came through forgiving one another and letting each other off the hook in order to start fresh. This is the most important thing you can do to love your husband.

2. Mutual Respect and Understanding

In any marriage, you’ll find two different people who value different things, which is guaranteed to bring disagreements. However, we can determine in our hearts that just because we see things differently doesn’t mean either person is wrong. Remember that perspective affects how your husband sees a situation. Focusing on mutual respect and understanding can keep criticism and contempt at bay.

3. Vulnerability

Many couples find it easy to talk about their hopes, dreams, and fears in the early stages of a relationship. But vulnerability never stops being an essential ingredient in marriage. Sharing openly when you’re in a rut, feeling discontent or insecure, or struggling in some way can lead to greater intimacy and prevent you from growing distant from your husband.

Here are three ways to improve your emotional connection with your husband.

4. Compromise and Reciprocity

Marriage means give and take and give again. A friend told me she grew resentful of her husband because she was always the one to compromise, and she didn’t feel like he ever acknowledged or appreciated it. In disagreements, sometimes you meet in the middle. But other times, in order to find a resolution or solve a problem, one person has to concede and just give the other his way. That’s how life works. Ideally, in a healthy marriage, the giver isn’t the same every time.

Reciprocity applies to more than just conflict, though. We all want to feel like our spouses care and are willing to sacrifice for us. Start with your own actions. Are you showing love to your husband in the way he needs it? Once you’ve considered your actions, don’t be afraid to talk to him about what you need from him.

Marriage means give and take and give again. Click To Tweet

What are some other things you need besides love in a long-lasting relationship?

ASK YOUR CHILD...

When was a time you had to forgive someone?

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