“I’ve heard middle school horror stories,” my friend Kelsey said. “I mean, it wasn’t a fun time for me, but I think it’s even worse now.” She went on to tell me how her childhood friend really struggled to fit in and they eventually parted ways. “We have good kids,” she said, gazing across the school playground. “But I’m still worried because there are so many myths about kids going to middle school.”
Now that my friend and I are in the thick of things, I’ve realized our perceptions about middle school are often colored by our own past experiences along with apprehension about our shifting roles as parents. But as our kids gain more independence, a lot of good things happen during these years. Here are 5 myths about kids in middle school that we need to shake sooner than later.
1. My kid doesn’t want me around anymore.
“Can I walk you?” I asked, pulling up to the curb. My daughter gave me a look that said “you better not move” and then climbed out. “I love you!” she said and took off.
It may seem like your child wants nothing to do with you, but that’s one of many myths about kids in middle school. In some ways, they actually need us more than before. With hormonal and bodily changes, kids need to know they’re still accepted, normal, and likable. That’s our role. Respect your child’s growing autonomy, but be there to cuddle and support her whenever she needs it.
Respect your child's growing autonomy, but be there to cuddle and support her whenever she needs it. Click To Tweet2. The pursuit of popularity is going to ruin my kid.
My friend’s middle-school daughter Ella is more into fashion and makeup than my own daughter. But my friend’s very much on top of what’s happening in her daughter’s life and the two communicate well.
Phyllis L. Fagell, the author of Middle School Matters, says kids “care deeply about peer approval, but they also care about what you think. You still have the power to instill integrity, kindness, and empathy.” Having the coolest clothes may be important to your child. Talking about strong character and maintaining family values can go a long way to keep kids who are interested in climbing the social ladder to stay focused on what’s most important.
3. My kid’s morals will slide.
I want my child to hear my voice in his ear when I’m not around: Drugs will mess you up. Vaping can damage your lungs. Sex is for marriage. The more we normalize discussion, the less exciting and tempting these dangerous activities will be. Myths about kids in middle school tend to crop up when we don’t have a clue what’s happening in their lives. So, start listening to what they have to say and keep talking about your family’s values. And know this—many kids cling more to their values during adolescence as they discover who they really are.
4. The social landscape is going to be painful for three long years.
“The girls in Jade’s circle turned their backs on her,” a friend told me, the pain evident in her eyes. But when I followed up a few months later, she told me Jade made a new friend and they had plans to bike to a juice shop that afternoon.
It’s true some friendships change with the wind in middle school. It can be harder during adolescence to regulate emotions and control impulsivity. And this can affect social situations. But it doesn’t mean every child is going to have a hard time. And if your child has a bad week (or month), chances are the wind will soon blow another direction and things will change again.
5. They’re the worst years of a kid’s life.
Someone trashed my friend’s daughter’s locker with a ream of paper the first week of middle school. Then, a month later, she discovered her name written in Sharpie on a bathroom stall wall (next to a boy’s name!). In an attempt to make new friends, she tried out for the school play, but didn’t make it. So she joined the volleyball team instead and loved it. By the end of her middle school career, she had so much more self-confidence. Going through trials here and there seemed to make her stronger, and she learned she could take care of herself.
Though it can be a scary jump from elementary school, middle school is a time of growth for kids. Through their struggles, they learn what they’re capable of. By the time they’re ready for high school, they will have changed not just in appearance, but on the inside as well.
What myths about kids going to middle school scare you the most?
