My daughter has mastered the teen eye roll but loves her kiddie collection of Squishmallows. One minute she’s sweet and cuddly, and the next, she’s stomping around, slamming doors. Sometimes, I’m not sure whether I should step in for a hug or back away slowly. She’s right at age between kid and young adult. I don’t want to say goodbye to my little girl, but I wouldn’t mind a little less rollercoaster of emotion. Is tween drama ever going to end?
If you’re living in this tension with a child who has an attitude and creates a lot of tween drama, you might be discouraged. But I want to give you a little bit of hope. As the days go by, look for these 5 signs that tween drama may end soon in your home.
1. He’s taking his schoolwork more seriously.
“Mom! Everyone’s going! I don’t wanna miss it!” my nephew wailed. Some middle-school friends had made plans to see a movie on a weeknight. But, despite all his pleading and whining, my sister-in-law made him stay home and study for his math test. Fast-forward about a year later and my nephew’s tune had changed. He’d started to prioritize schoolwork by coming home after school and digging into his homework right away instead of putting it off or, worse, not doing it.
As kids move from middle to high school, their workload increases. Teachers expect more. Not every kid’s going to buckle down right away. It’s a process and takes time. But when my sister-in-law noticed more work turned in on time and better grades, she took it as a good sign. If your child begins to see the value of his schoolwork, he may be kissing tween drama goodbye.
2. She’s developing a sense of maturity.
My friend Tori said her daughter Kate cried a lot over friendship issues in middle school. But all that social angst started to die out as Kate got older. She gained perspective on the friend who hurt her and the tween drama of seventh and eighth grades gave way to a growing sense of maturity. “She has more mature thoughts now,” Tori said to me, “and not as much anxiety.”
Take a look at how your child handles the tween drama swirling around her. If she has developed more calm and doesn’t seem to get sucked into the emotional drama of others, it may be a good sign that she’s growing up.
3. He’s rising to the challenge.
My son’s science teacher recommended him for honors biology, but my son didn’t know if he could handle the harder class. After a couple weeks of thinking and praying about it, he decided to go for it.
Challenges are going to appear throughout the teen years, so if your child’s showing a desire to tackle one, he may have taken a big leap away from the tween drama of worrying more about what others think than what he wants to accomplish. Not every kid’s going to want to take on something scary and new, but with your support and encouragement, yours may get there sooner.
Not every kid's going to want to take on something scary and new, but with your support and encouragement, yours may get there sooner. Click To Tweet4. He’s showing more responsibility.
Both of my kids wanted to earn money, so we came up with some ideas including brushing the dog’s teeth and fur. While my younger child has had some difficulty maintaining a daily practice of grooming the dog, my older child has been diligent about checking off each day on the calendar. No whining, no tween drama.
Sometimes kids need reminders, but when they start to take more responsibility, it’s a good sign kids are shifting away from tween drama. And that’s a sign that they’re growing up. Notice your child’s improvements and support him even if he messes up. We can help kids get through tough times by walking alongside them.
5. She’s demonstrating the values you’ve taught for years.
My friend Greta struggled with her daughter Ava in the tween years. “She wanted to wear heels and makeup. She wanted a padded bra,” she said. “At 11, I didn’t want Ava looking 21, so we fought a lot.” Greta said there were days she wanted to pull her hair out from all the arguments with her child. But she also didn’t want to give in and allow eyeshadow and tank tops.
If you and your tween become animated or emotional, revisit the topic later when you’re both calm. The important thing is to keep conversation lines open. You can also encourage your child to ask questions about your values. You want her to feel comfortable coming to you. Staying consistent and loving her no matter what will help teach her your values as she grows.
Have you spotted any other signs of tween drama ending with your child?
