I couldn’t flirt my way out of a paper bag. When the flirting genes were handed out in my family, my sister got my share! I talk to men with more of a friend vibe or an aunt or a sister vibe. So I don’t worry too much about crossing the flirting line when I’m dealing with guys. I do have to watch it, though, because I tend to overshare with men. I love digging into a deep topic or something I’m passionate about.
There’s no harm in that tendency, as long as I don’t venture into discussing personal issues or develop a friendship over something only that man and I share. It’s not that I’m afraid I’m going to spiral into an affair after a few deep conversations. It’s just that I often find myself asking this question: “Can men and women be friends?” Here are 5 things women should never do with men other than their husbands.
1. Cry on their shoulder.
Vulnerability creates emotional bonds. If you open up to your guy friend about the troubles you’re having in your marriage or how you’re disappointed you didn’t get that promotion, he’s more than likely going to respond with an offer of comfort. When you cry to someone or become vulnerable, you’re deepening the intimacy between the two of you, which can be a slippery slope.
2. Make physical or sexual comments.
This includes complimenting him on his clothes, his physique, or his new haircut. Now, you’re probably a good judge of the exceptions to this “rule”—but if your words could possibly be taken as showing interest in him, they’re better left unsaid. The same goes for flirting. What’s the point of it with someone other than your husband? And, trying to get attention from men is one of the 7 risk factors for having an affair.
3. Contact them privately.
How would you feel if you happened upon texts or cute emails sent to your husband from a female co-worker? If you want to hide your interactions with a man, that’s a red flag. Even if you don’t feel like you need to hide your interactions, sharing jokes and back and forth dialogue could create a bond between the two of you that’s dangerous. This applies to talking to men online as well. (Here’s one mom’s story of how she fell into an online affair that almost ended her marriage.)
4. Spend one-on-one time with them.
There might be times when your job requires you to meet with a man one-on-one, but outside of work, male/female outings are tricky. It’s the old question raised in the movie When Harry Met Sally—can men and women be friends? There are some cases where that’s possible, but why risk it?
5. Share physical contact with them.
At one end of the spectrum, this one is pretty obvious—should you do anything sexual? Of course not. With things like hugs and kisses on the cheek, you’ll have to honestly assess what might be appropriate based on your relationship. But if you ever feel uncomfortable or a little too comfortable, listen to that warning signal and pull back.
If you ever have anything else that happens with a man other than your husband that makes you feel uncomfortable, make sure you talk to your husband about it. And it’s a good rule of thumb to tell your spouse about any interaction with the opposite sex.
Curious about the list of what men should never do with women other than their wives? See what’s on their list.
Tell us! Can men and women be friends? What other things do you think wives shouldn’t do with men other than their husbands?
